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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My new arrival is now 2 months old and doing great. My marriage is over; the girls and I are moving in with my sister until we can get our own place. I took my GED test and will get the results back in about a week. My father has decided that, since I am going back to school, he will take care of rent and utilities, what my soon-to-be-ex will be giving me in child support, and a part time job, should take care of the rest. Problem is I am absolutely terrified, my husband has been the only man I ever kissed, the only relationship I have ever had. I have sworn to myself that I will just be happy to be alone for the rest of my life but I know that will not happen. While I am not looking for anyone to have a serious relationship with, I am in desperate need of a friend, and the last time I was in desperate need of a friend I found my husband.
I am not the type of person to get close to people, they always seem to hurt me, so I usually stay off to myself. I am not sure how to deal with any of this. The feelings I have are terribly confusing. I want so desperately to have friends in my life but I don't even know how to make friends. Sad but true.
A - Dear Alisa,
Well, congratulations on getting your GED! Youāre definitely making progress here. It sounds as if youāve made some good decisions. (I DO remember the state in which you first wrote to me.) OK, letās take a look at things. Youāre looking for a friend....how about if you let that run for about six months until you settle in to your sisterās place and get your children more settled in to their new home. How about finding a job that youāre really happy with, and taking some time OFF, just for yourself and for your family? Thereāll be plenty of time for you to meet a new man..letās let the dust of the other one settle a bit before rushing off to find a new one. (It sounds as if you feel ill at ease without having a man in your life)........perhaps, knowing that in 6 months you can begin again, you might be able to Īlet things rideā while you take inventory of the new you .......that might be best all around.
Instead of causing yourself anxiety by assuming the you CANāT Īgo the rest of your lifeā without a man, you can attend to the rebuilding, (or the building), of a more solid sense of self so, when those 6 months are up, youāll be more aware of the kind of fellow who would be an addition to your life, and not see him as someone without whom you could not be happy. You are, indeed, a very strong woman...and you seem to have your priorities in order. Youāve started well.....and youāll do fine.
- Annabelle
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