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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My husband and I met on line the first week of February 1999 and where married on February 27th.. I am having second thoughts about the whole marriage thing..I love him and have 2 kids from another man. I was never married before. My oldest calls my husband daddy...I have found that he saves all his e-mail from his old g/f's And that bothers me a lot..he won't get rid of them. I feel alone and with no friends in this town. I moved in with him. He is not good a communicating..and assumes that, when I want to share my feeling with him about problems, that I am giving up on us and, in turn, he gives up without a "fight". Then we end up making up.....what do I do?I am growing apart from him already....
A - Dear Christina,
Let me see if I understand what you are telling me....... Youâre 23 and you have already been in a serious relationship from which you have two children. You met this man just a month and a half ago and married him three weeks after that. And just NOW youâre having second thoughts?? I don't know what youâd like me to say other than youâre going to create a whole slew of problems for your children if you canât do some serious rethinking of your impulse control abilities. One of the reasons that your Îoldest calls (your) husband daddyâ is that the children need to know there IS a Îdaddyâ. These munchkins arenât pets, Michelle, or plants. Theyâre really live human beings with futures of their own.....futures that are going straight into the toilet if their mother canât provide them a good and steady home.
Youâre upset that this guy, who knew you for three weeks, and married you, is keeping old emails from other women? Well, maybe itâs time he took his responsibilities as a father more seriously......and I wonder how he would do that? (He sounds oddly passive).....would he go to counseling with you? In my never-to-be-humble opinion, Iâd recommend it highly. It sounds as if he may be willing to DO the right thing....I mean, he DID marry you, and may not be entirely clear on HOW to do what IS the Îrightâ thing. How about, without your chewing him out over it, you start providing some emotional support for him......luring him AWAY from the other women. THEY are Îvirtualâ peopleâ....YOU are his wife. Now, you donât have the luxury of flitting from male to male.......youâre not only a mother, with enormous responsibilities, youâre a wife. Thatâs a position of responsibility too....and of stature as well as of obligation....the the help MATE in this organization. Isnât it about time you adjusted your attitude and shaped things up for your FAMILY? The indulgence in Îfeelingsâ in no longer an option for you.....you have responsibilities.........AND Iâm betting, for the childrenâs sake.....that you have the courage to live up to them.
- Annabelle
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