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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am a little confused. This past January my husband and I split up and I filed for divorce. (I was final 2 weeks ago). To give you a little background information, we split up because he did not spend any time with our daughter or me. He was too busy doing what he wanted, and it never included us.
He also did nothing to help around the house, (cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes or help out with our, (now), 3 Year old).
We both work full-time and I could not even drive to the corner store without taking our daughter. He would not watch her for even 5 minutes.
As soon as we split-up he started dating his first ex-wife, (she made little comments about how she did not want to be around our daughter or have to deal with me so he did not see his daughter or pay child support until I filed temporary orders to force him to pay). He has since stopped seeing his first ex-wife and is spending a lot of time with our daughter and trying to work things out with me and tells me he is aware of all the mistakes he made and actually he is 'now' what I wanted him to be then.
Should I take him back? What are the possibilities of him actually turning into this better father that he seems to be. He tells me he did not realize how good he had it until it was to late.
I can not afford to make the wrong decision I have a new job, a 3 year old daddy's baby, and started going to college in July. I just do not want my daughter to have to go through losing daddy twice if it does not work out!!!! I have only my daughter's best interest at heart. The fact that I still love her daddy is beside the point if he is not going to act like a real d
addy should. I would never be able to forgive myse
lf if I messed up her little 3 year old world a secon
d time the first time was hard enough.
A - Dear KSM,
If your former husband now wants to BE a husband, and father to your daughter, then, for goodness sakes, woman, WELCOME the change! That IS what you said you wanted........get with the program here! I can understand your feelings, however, that your daughter HAS a loving daddy, no matter how Īlate to the partyā is more important than YOU being in a snit because he didnāt hit his marks at every step along the way.
Sometimes one has to actually lose something to see itsās value. No, thatās not terribly mature, but everyone matures at a different rate. Welcome his behavior, reinforce it and, who knows, you may yet have what you say you want. You didnāt use the divorce as an attention-getting device, did you?
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
No, Annabelle, I did not use the divorce to get his attention. But it
seems like that is what happened anyway.
A - Dear KSM,
ok,.......it was just a thought........the ordeal must have been very painful. Not only for you, but doubly so when you say how wrenching it was for your daughter. Now, at four, your daughter is in an absolutely crucial developmental stage with her dad. If he REALLY wants to be with you, (and I assume he does), the TWO of you should go to a good marriage counselor so you can develop effective communication skills and learn not to devastate the one you both love so much.
I see children all the time, (now adults), who had their life and loves shaken at this age and, as adults, they cannot form stable, long lasting relationships.
- Annabelle
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