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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My mother is 57, works part-time, and lives with my father approximately 450 k's away from me. She had four children, (I was her second). I am the only child to produce grandchildren so far. Why does my mother seem to want me to have a difficult time of it?
I could understand that she's had her children, and now is her time for career, but
it's more than that. She appears to want me to fail at being a parent. I have disassociated myself from them in the last 12 months and wish I could repair the relationship.
A - Dear Susan,
Itās unlikely that you can impact on you momās behavior, so the best you can, (probably), do at this point is to understand it and avoid Ītriggersā as much as possible. Sheās working out, (and on), something from her own past and projecting it onto you. Now, you donāt have to avoid her, you can just learn some Ībroken recordā stuff. No matter WHAT she says about your being a mom, or the comments she makes about your mothering behavior, learn to say something along the lines of, ĪMom, this is SUCH fun, I LOVE what I do.ä
Donāt be drawn into her negativity, or her ________ (whatever she does). At first, youāll feel pangs of hurt as her arrows land. Pretty soon, youāll find that your persistent strength will defuse her barbs. She may even escalate for awhile in an attempt to penetrate your strength. Just bite your tongue and repeat the phrase over and over and over and over and, well,..........you get the idea.
I have no idea what is driving her and we can NEVER control anotherās behavior. We can only control....and are responsible for our own.
- Annabelle
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