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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My daughter has just graduated from high school she has been talking to someone on the internet for awhile now and he has convinced her to move to New York with him. What do I do?
A - Dear Linda,
Is she over 18? If she is, the answer is different. If she's UNDER 18, you handcuff her to the bed. No, not really, but I can appreciate your fear and concern. (And you thought the Īterrible twoāsā were bad?) This is her separating from you in earnest now , however, this is also where Īswift and terribleā punishment comes in.
By this I do not mean flogging, I mean that you make it entirely clear to her that she is assuming adult decisions and with adult decisions come adult responsibilities...... and adult consequences. I know that our greatest responsibilities as parents are to give our kids Īroots and wingsā, yet itās usually heart-stopping when they rush toward .....and off.......that precipice. We hope their wings will spread and they really will fly.....and usually they do, but sometimes, as may now happen, that plummet to the bottom of the chasm can be fearful, indeed.
Now, since she is so determined to do this, have her get the New York Times and look for a place to live....AND a job to support herself. Is she also planning to LIVE with him? What will becoming pregnant do to her hopes and dreams for the future? Have her check out the welfare system as well.
Since sheāll now be paying for her own college education, sheād better be completely prepared to get a job that pays very well. Going against your and her fatherās wishes has consequences......sheās on her own. PERIOD. Sheād better know how to provide her own health care.....all that stuff. While YOU canāt stop her, she may come to realize that thereās more to this than just getting all hot over some internet romance and leaving home thinking the folkās are going to be there to back her up. .......Guess again.
I do hope you donāt drink, Īcause if you do, this is going to be a very trying period for both you and dad.............kids!! Yikes!
Have her write to me and weāll talk. This internet stuff can be so enticing, and soooo dangerous. Young people at 18 think theyāre grownup and donāt realize that the years between 18 and 25 will bring amazing changes. For her to take off and do this now is NOT in her best interests. (But then, you know that.) For a girl from Texas, New York City might seem like a real dream........well, if you can afford a trip there so she can see just what the financial and social realities for a neophyte are, that mightn't be the worst idea in the world.....and, while youāre there, take a look at what the unwed momās have to deal with.
I realize this is really scary for you. What about inviting the fellow to Texas so you can meet him? Where are HIS parents in all of this? When young people realize that they have involved parents, they tend to be more thoughtful and careful about their lives. Right now sheās feeling the invulnerability of youth.
Do you have a ĪChildren of the Nightā rescue program in your town? Have her go with you to talk to the director. That alone can be a real eye opener.
Iām sure this is tearing you apart....my thoughts are with you.
- Annabelle
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