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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been with my husband since I was 16. We have been married one year. How do you know when the fighting and stress have gone on too long? Mind you, we have 2 children, 5 and 3.
A - Dear Jonita,
Well, it sounds as if the Îfighting and stressâ have already gone on too long. At 22 what you, (probably), should have been doing with your life, and your husband with his, got derailed by your forming a permanent bond, beginning at 16. Youâre now 22, (I assume he is about the same age), and, instead of your having the adolescent/young adult growth stage, you got all excited about Îacting like grownupsâ and rushed right past something really important.............something that you cannot now go back and retrieve.
You have two children....it is to THEM that you, both you AND your husband, now owe your allegiance. It is at these times in our lives that we reach down deep inside ourselves and find what weâre REALLY made of.
Iâm going to make the assumption that you have a relationship that can be repaired. The Îarguing and stressâ is, very likely, a result of unmet expectations, disappointments and altered dreams. Anger is, usually, a result of hurt. It would be a very good idea if you AND your husband could get yourselves to a good marriage counselor to explore ways, not only to rekindle the love that you really DO have for each other, but to learn ways to express your concerns and cares that do NOT hurt each other so readily.
Remember back to when you loved each other so very much that you just HAD to get into those fancy clothes and have the wonderful party? Well, those feelings are still there, itâs just that they must now be tempered by reason and maturity.
You CAN do it and, for the sake of your children, and for the sake of your childrenâs future, you MUST do it.
- Annabelle
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