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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am so troubled. I have been in a relationship for the past
year..I truly love him. We have had a long, hard road..but we deeply
love one another. Just recently we got into an argument before he left
on a trip, for work reasons, and I broke up with him. I didnât want
to..but I thought it might be the only way I could get his attention
that I was serious about letting him know that I could not be taken for
granted any longer, unless there were going to be some changes. He
begged me not to break up with him..but I did.
He left on his trip the next morning and will be gone for a week. I
have a guy friend at work that I talk to frequently. One night after
work, we went to his place just to talk. I was so upset about my
break-up with my love, that I started drinking that night. I got really
drunk and I was really missing my other half. One thing led to another
with this friend and, well, you get the picture. I woke up in his bed
the next morning. I know that my boyfriend and I were broken up, but I
very much regret doing what I did. It is not what I wanted at all. I
am now deciding whether I should tell my boyfriend the truth about what
happened or to tell him at all for fear he may never want to have
anything to do with me at all. I do not want to lose him, We have been
through so much and we love one another so much, but I do not want to
hurt him with the truth. I have never lied to him.
Please help me, I am so upset.
A - Dear In Love, But Out Of Love,
Many years ago, when Ms. Annabelle was closer to the age you are
now, her answer would have been simple: No. Donât tell your
boyfriend. The information would only hurt him, and it would serve no
useful purpose. If you cheat on him again, youâll have to reexamine
what you mean by, ãI truly love him.ä For now, forget it and get on
with your life.
But this is 1998, not years ago. The answer has to be different. You
say you had sex with your Guy Friend when you were ãreally drunkä. In
1998, Ms. Annabelle has to ask if you were too drunk to insist that your
Guy Friend use condoms. If you had unprotected sex, you and your Guy
Friend have exposed yourselves and anyone who has sex with either of you
to the risk of sexually-transmitted diseases. AIDS is the best-known,
but it isnât the only one, not by a long shot; thereâs an epidemic
going on, hepatitis 3 is coming on big and itâs not only nasty, itâs FATAL in a
really ugly way. To find out what you must do, call your County Health
Department. Most departments have an anonymous hot line. That isnât
very romantic, but if you Îtruly love him,â in reality, not just in
fantasy, youâll do the responsible thing...for both of you.
Ms. Annabelle wonders what you mean by ãI truly love him.ä You say
you broke up with him because you felt he was taking you for
granted...even though he Îbegged me not to break up with him.ä Begging
you not to break up with him doesnât sound like Îtaking you for
grantedâ. Why, really, did you break up with him? You say ãone thing
led to another.ä Was the power you felt when he begged you just too
exciting to give up? Were you already playing with the idea of having
sex with your Guy Friend, while your boyfriend was away? If your
werenât already playing with that idea, why would you have gone to your
Guy Friendâs place to talk and drink? You say ãone thing led to
anotherä there, too. C______s, you knew what you were setting up.
From your letter, Ms. Annabelle suspects that one thing leads to another
a whole lot in your life. ãOne thing led to anotherä sounds like your
way of fighting boredom, filling your life with
excitement-for-excitementâs sake, while feeling you arenât responsible
for your actions.
- Annabelle
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