|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have a wonderful boyfriend a year older than I am. We go to the same college, and are currently studying the same subject (Animal Science). We like many of the same things, and we can talk for hours and never say the same thing twice. He never fails to make me smile, and he always knows just what to say when I'm upset or angry or frustrated. Even the little things are special when we're together. We've been dating for nearly eight months now, and have seen each other through a few difficult situations. I love him dearly, and he's a very precious part of my life.
I know he loves me too, and I was always very sure about that fact - until now. His behavior hasn't changed, but I suddenly find myself
questioning his feelings and "testing him". He said "I love you" yesterday. I wanted to say "I love you, too", but what popped out was "How do you know you love me?" He looked like I had slapped him, and I felt terrible! Patiently, he gave me all the reasons he could think of for loving me, put his arms around me, and kissed my forehead.
As I said, there has been no change in his behavior. So why do I feel this way? Is this a normal stage in a relationship, to
be "testing" the other person or questioning their feelings? I'm really confused and would like some answers. I hope you can help me.
Thank you.
A - Dear Penny,
This is a complex, yet simple, dynamic.......and I do want to caution you to be careful here. Have you ever seen a toddler, who really loves his mom, get all pouty and into the 'you don't REALLY love me or you'd let me_________" mode? Without realizing it, that's what you're doing too.
At nineteen, you are changing and developing and testing limits, your own as well as the world's...........and those of your boyfriend. While it's unlikely that you will continue to stay together into marital relationship, (a marriage is not just 'advanced dating'), you are experiencing a good solid relationship now. As each of you matures and changes, it is most likely, though not certain, that you will grow in different ways and into differening relationships as you get out into the world.
At this age, young men are very vulnerable. The have tender hearts, they write poetry, they really do feel a wonderful 'love' for their girlfriends. Watch, sometime, when you are out in the world, the faces and expressions on children, and on more 'mature' adults. You'll se that (most of) the adults looks harried and careworn, not at all like the children with their fresh, excited, and enthusiastic demeanor. You....and your boyfriend........are most likely at that in-between stage where your hopes and dreams are still relatively uncrushed and everything seems possible.
You sound like a very lovely young woman and he, like a very nice young man. You are right to ask just what it is that you are doing. You are testing, teasing, to see if he will put up with your bratty behavior. That's the two-year-old you. It sounds as if you know that you want to grow beyond that. This is an issue of impulse control. You will be much happier in the long run if you curb your tongue and revel in the delight of a warmly reciprocated romance.
- Annabelle
|
