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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My twin sister, Tenille, said that you had some eye opening advice and I decided to come to you with my little problem. Anyway, now it's my turn for advice although it's not as exciting as hers. Here goes:
My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago. He dumped me because we live in different towns and he says he didn't like feeling like 'he couldn't make me happy'. So, I went out and found a new guy whose name is Levi. He is really nice and fun to hang around. The problem is, I am not sure if I really like him or if I am just using him as a rebound guy. I really don't want to hurt him.
Levi and his girlfriend broke up the same time as my ex boyfriend and I did, and he already had his rebound fling. I don't want to continue if I'm going to start liking someone else down the road. There is absolutely no one else, but I am not going to the prom with him, I'm going with another guy.
Tenille says to go easy on me I'm the baby of the family. Thanks
A - Dear In Need Of Opinion,
At eighteen, male/female relationships are still (relatively) new and people can change partners pretty quickly. (If you doubt me, just read over your letter!) One of the developmental things you are going through now is not only becoming the person you are meant to be, (a process that will be ongoing for years yet), but also finding out that you have a newly found freedom to pair up periodically with other people.
Though you will probably remember these people for the rest of your life, it is not likely that any of them will become your husband.....you're not mature enough yet to develop 'that' kind of relationship. Feelings are still tender and hearts can really get hurt. If you're kind and careful, you can negotiate through this with minimal damage. You say that your boyfriend 'dumped' you because you live in different towns. That's reasonable, and age appropriate. Being a 'GU', (geographically undesirable), will always occasionally arise.
As you develop yourself as a person and, IF you provide yourself with a REALLY GOOD education, you will join the ranks of 'grownups' for whom geography is not a problem and be able to settle yourself wherever in the world you so choose. The world is absolutely FULL of available men, (and women), so the passing of one is not such a very great loss -- at eighteen.
Levi may be a charming friend, and whether or not he is your 'rebound guy', he is still a person. I'm sure you know how to treat him intelligently and with dignity. Honesty and communication are the basis for any excellent relationship. When you're about 25, you will be more ready to begin the process of finding a lifetime mate. By that time, you will have prepared yourself with a good education, probably with the addition of a graduate degree, have worked at a profession, so you have become independent, and aware of 'how the world works'. You will then be closer to being ready to pair up with another person and form a new household. For now, learn from your friends, enjoy them, maintain your integrity and keep the 'long view' in mind.
The future is where you will live, be sure that you are now preparing wisely to live there. Oh, by the way, it's no one else's responsibility to make YOU happy............your 'happiness' will be a direct result of how well you prepare yourself to live in this world!
- Annabelle
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