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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I just turned 18 and I met this really nice guy
who is a little too old for me... like 15 years older
than me!!! I don't feel as though it should matter
because I feel extremely attracted to him in more
ways than one.... What to do???
A - Dear Jinny,
Turning 18 is really exciting, you're (legally an adult in many states now!) That's sort of heady stuff, isn't it!? Well, let's take a look at your question..........I'm going to assume that you come from a very nice family and that you have a good plan in place, (as much as an 18 year old can these days), about where you'd like to be in the world in the next five to ten years.
O.K., here's the long answer:
What are your plans for your education? Are you going to attend -- and graduate from -- college with a good and usable degree? How do you see yourself contributing to the world the gifts that are yours alone to give? Hmmm, now just where might a 33 year old male fit into those plans? Do you suppose he has YOUR best interests at heart, or his 'best interests'? (You might ask why a 33 year old guy isn't dating someone no younger than 30). At these ages, -- yours and his --, a close or zero age spread is much more the norm, and reasonably so. Jinny, as we go through life, we all go through what are called 'stages' -- and you are just beginning to blossom and to get out into the world for further development.
At 33, your male friend may, in fact, be regressing because he cannot successfully compete at the stage he should be in. Are his attentions flattering? Of course they are! Does he think that your youth and relative inexperience are tempting? I would bet he does.............and that's not good -- for either of you.
At the risk of sounding like a 'mom', which I am, by the way, with a nineteen year old daughter, I'd like to ask you to slow down and to think a bit. Great romantic novels and films are seldom written about the 'every-dayness' of life. They are written about the great romantic upheavals and tormenting dramas of the human struggle -- about love, (and lust), and about winning against all odds. While this makes for good dreaming or reading or viewing, living it can be, not only wrenching, but actually destructive to your current, (and future), self.
Jinny, pretend you have a daughter who is asking YOU this question............... you already know the answer! ;)
Here's the short answer:
Yes, he's too old for you. Remember this for all of your life........feelings are just FEELINGS!.......and you do NOT have to act on feelings.
- Annabelle
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