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Q - Dear Annabelle,
very hard, and I know that he is not a player, or he did not take advantage of me, I am not a virgin anymore, and I can't marry any body Muslim. so, you can see that I love him very much, we both are hurting, I am very afraid of what he is going to say, when he gets back, because no matter what, I guess that we will still be lovers. But, I want more than that, I want him to be mine. I am going crazy, and I don't know what to do? Can you please help me!!!!
A - Dear Very Confused,
Only part of your message survived, so I'll answer as best I can. You took a terrible chance -- and lost. This is very sad -- but very real. Now, aside from the 'sad' part, we need to look at 'real'. You knew before you went into this relationship that you were/are a Muslim and he, a Christian.....AND that he is a married person.
Sometimes, in life, we forget 'who we are' for the convenience of the moment and 'what we want'. This is now what you are dealing with. You say that he is a Christian man? Well, when you met him, you were a Muslim and your religion is very clear about it's expectations....that must not have been an overriding concern right then. How is it that it is now? (You see, there's another question in here, isn't there?) Now, a truly 'Christian' man does not cheat on his wife. Not only that a truly 'Christian' man does not lead another person to behave in ways contrary to their best interests. A truly 'Christian' man respects other people's religions and does not tempt them for his own pleasure.
So, what we have are two people who thought that what they 'wanted' was the same as what was 'needed'.......and now you, at least, are left, racked with guilt. Think, you did what you did......and your religion didn't enter into it then.....why would it now? For the sake of time and space, I'm going to simplify this. First, forget about him. Let's keep that part in 'history' and park it under a learning experience. (No 'decent' man would have done what he did....now stop it!)
Does your Muslim religion teach redemption and forgiveness? (I mean, if we were all perfect, we'd all be saints.....and the last time I looked, that's NOT how it's playing out.) The basic tenet of Christianity is forgiveness of sins. The act of Christ's having died on the cross was to have redeemed the sins of mankind. Now, as I understand it, that's a time-line that's never ending, taking care of everything for all time, both forward AND back. That does NOT, however, allow everyone to go running amok, even though it seems sometimes that that's JUST what's going on. My point is, search your religious beliefs for what will propel you forward to a better understanding of living a life where you blossom into your 'best self' and give the gift to the world that YOU were meant to give......and not to muddle about hurting yourself in basically 'self'ish acts.
You say that you cannot now marry a Muslim? From the mail I get, there are a good many people all around, not holding quite so tightly to the religious tenets of that belief system, either.
Your life is not over, you've just had one heck of an eye-opener. Is there someone locally with whom you can talk? You're young, and at this stage of your life, tender, as well. You need more guidance than I can give here. You now know -- even better -- what NOT to do......it would be a very good idea to do some soul-searching on what you CAN do.
- Annabelle
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