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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been dating this guy for 5 months and I really love him. He is away at a camp being a counselor, which I find very awesome. I am 19 and will turn 20 in September and he is just turning 19. I want to ask him to marry me. How do I do it at the risk of being rejected? Should I wait for him to do it? I am the one that makes the decisions
in the relationship most of the time and I know that he is the one. Can you help?
A - Dear Very Much In Love, But Confused,
Take a deep breath, slow down and.............(this part youāre not going to like).......give yourself a LOT more time for this part of your life. Youāre young, (thatās a good thing, not a pejorative and this is your only shot at it), so first tender feelings seem quite overwhelming at times.
Now, (and Iām probably not the first person to tell you this), if a relationship is Īgoodā..........it will last. It will last past the first breathless stages of the Īall-sparklyā connection and grow for days and weeks and months and, yes, for years as well. But FIRST, you must grow. Youāre running through some pretty heady stuff here and I donāt blame you for your excitement...........itās pretty thrilling, and dreadfully heartbreaking...........itās what being YOUNG is all about.
Now, if this young man is all that you hope, you and he will be friends for a verrrry long time to come. Maybe even friends for life. Do you ask him to marry you? No, that wouldnāt be a good idea. You COULD say that sometimes you have such exciting feelings for him that you FEEL like saying that, but Iād like you to know that SOME young men arenāt nearly as mushy as we girls and will actually back away from that sort of thing.
Not all do, of course, but itās almost always better to let the young man take the lead. Feminism and womanās rights and all weāve worked for over the years hasnāt changed humankindās BASIC wiring. In general, males hunt and protect, and women nest and nurture. If HE talks about marrying YOU thatās different. When a guy attaches, he generally means it. If WE attach, and heās still looking and gets Ītalked into itā, the attachment bond isnāt as strong.
Enjoy the friendship. You may have a keeper here.........we donāt know just yet, so donāt jump the gun. Just be your own terrific self and let yourself grow a little more. (Him too!)
- Annabelle
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