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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Iāve always been the jealous kind of girlfriend, but itās really starting to ruin my relationship of a year and a half. There are two things that make me jealous and upset. One of them is his Īexā. When we first started going out, he almost broke up with me for her, but he didnāt. He still talks to her and sees her sometimes. It doesnāt make it any easier that we both hate each other.
Iāve told him how I feel, but he says Ītheyāre just friendsā and gets mad at me if I get upset. He also gets emails from various other girls. They all upset me, but thereās one in particular that REALLY upsets me. This girl has been emailing him for a few months now, and, very frequently, too. She always signs, ĪLove, Robinā. One time she wrote ćI love youä. Lately sheās been writing her topics to be about Īsilk pantiesā and other sexy things. I know that she isnāt his type because she talks a lot about drugs, but I canāt stand it. I just donāt know how to control my jealous anger.
A - Dear Melissa,
Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, (and for good reason), itās Īeating YOU aliveā.
This fellow sounds perfectly happy with the relationship just as it is......he has JUST what he wants. The REAL question is: Can YOU get clear on what YOU are doing? Youāve had a relationship with him since you were seventeen -- ( tell him what YOU want and then move on). He has what HE wants, you donāt. (Actually, you do, you just donāt realize that what you Īsayā you want and what you Īreallyā want are not the same thing).......remember, if itās Īin our livesā itās because weāve ALLOWED it to be there, even Īinvited it inā.
The pathological dynamic of jealousy usually stems from inner insecurity -- but not always. If this is a pattern in your life, seeking professional help would be a very -- very -- good idea.
You deserve better, and only YOU can see that you get it. Donāt waste your time arguing with a jerk......and donāt waste your LIFE acting foolishly.
- Annabelle
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