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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My "friend" and I have been hanging around each other closely for a year now. It started out as just dating friends, nothing serious. The more that our friends started teasing us, I realized that I liked him as more than a friend. We dated for about two months as actual boyfriend and girlfriend and then he broke it off. I have never had a relationship this serious before and I found difficulty getting over it. I lost my virginity to him. Even though we are broken up, we have remained sexual partners. Now all of a sudden, he has been avoiding me. He says that he wants to find a girlfriend. All I know is that I still love him to death and don't want to break apart totally. I enjoy the kind of relationship that we have now. Should I put all my feelings aside and let him lead my life?
PLEASE answer!!!
A - Dear Stephanie,
Connecting with a guy, especially a Īfirstā with whom one has a sexual relationship often produces a bond that goes straight to a young girlās heart. Iām afraid, as well you know, that whatās done cannot be undone. The short answer is to get over it and get on with your life.......this stuff happens.
ĪGetting over itā is terribly hard to do, especially when youāre feeling genuine attachment, and it sounds as if you do......it is completely understandable. If youāre also feeling regretful and foolish, as well as very very sad at the loss of an undefinable Īsomethingā, then that just makes the whole thing a lot harder.
None of that changes anything in the past. There were several errors made. Letās take a look at what you might be aware of for Īnextā time. Sex is designed to, (mostly in females), create an Īattachment bondā. Thatās for the protection of the offspring. Now, that you arenāt ready for Īoffspringā is not relevant to basic human wiring.
You will, over the course of the next several years, like many guys, some as Īmore than friendsā. If you also have sexual adventures with them, sex will lose itās Īspecialā quality and become just another thing to do. For reasons I wonāt go into here, THAT is not a good idea at all. Sex is really quite wonderful, but if you share yourself with males as readily as you share, say, a conversation, or a book, well, then you will very probably miss an incredible treat at a time when it will be truly important to you.
Males are interesting critters, it would seem that most simply prefer what they cannot readily have,........ that which is noticeably Īrareā. Sex is wonderful, however, when it it is not easily attained, then it becomes more valuable............and the woman whose favors are not so easily shared seems more desirable, indeed. Not necessarily fair, but, nonetheless, true.
At 18, there is much time ahead to integrate all that you will learn in the next few years, and, in all likelihood, this adventure will not lead to lasting heartbreak. Again, learn from it, and move on the better times!
- Annabelle
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