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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, he is 24 and I am
19.5. We've been through some tough times, and always seemed to work
things out.
I am manic depressive with suicidal tendencies and he's been very
supportive throughout the whole thing. Throughout my cheating and lying
and suicide attempts, my fits of rage and days filled with tears. He's
been there for me through it all. We broke up a few times, and I always
went back. Even though he cut me down and brought up things from the
past to hurt me while we were apart, I love him, and he says he loves me
with all his heart.
I believe that he does, only a couple of months ago when we were out at
the bar for a couple drinks, he got drunk and ended up getting kinda
pushy with me (not the first time). I broke up with him and swore that
I would never go back. Since then he came into the bar I work at and
proceeded to yell at me about the abortion I had last year, telling me
to go kill another baby, so on and so forth. He was very rude to me
for the first couple weeks then he changed. He wanted to be back in my
life and he wanted to do everything for me.
I guess I should explain that we were living together, and after he got
pushy with me I moved out. I wanted my 1/2 of the damage deposit back
when he moved out (last month) but he didn't give it to me, he keeps
saying that he will get it to me when he can afford it. I am working in
a bar for 5.50/hr and he in the pulp mill for 12.00/hr.
Anyway, he's being the sweetest guy in the world right now, keeps
saying that he wants to be with me and that he's changed so much. I
must admit that he has changed a bit, but he always did change after we
broke up and then after I went back to him he went back to the way he
always was. What I mean by that is his pot smoking and his expecting me
to do everything for him, because he does SOOO much for me, right?! Well
this time I asked him to quit smoking pot and I ask him to be fair with
me. So far he has cut down on his pot smoking but is still expecting me
to do everything for him. I just recently moved back to my parents
place, (which is 9 hours away from him)
Here I have a great opportunity to take over my dad's growing internet
business, and make something of myself. This guy wants me to move back there
and work for 5.50/hr in a bar so he can be close to me. He used to talk
about going to get his real estate license and working with his dad, but
now he wants to stay at the job he has, which is going to take him
nowhere.
I'm not sure what to do. Should I take him back, or should we stay
friends? I love him very much, but sometimes it's so hard. I feel like
there's so much more out there for me, but I'm almost afraid to tell him
to go away and to go and do my own thing. Every time that we break up
he makes me feel so bad about breaking up with him that I go
back....almost because I feel sorry for him, but at the same time it's
because I want to be with him. Please reply and tell me what you think.
A - Dear Very Confused,
I will make this VERY short.
YOU get into counseling with a GOOD psychologist affiliated with a clinic, (shrinks in training work on a Īsliding scaleā), and work on your sense of self. (As you also know you have medical/psychological problems that need intervention). This guy is a total loser......he is NOTHING that you ever want to have around your life...............EVER.
YOU get yourself a good education. If your internet abilities pay well, do that. You need to get a life.......YOURS. Quit dating. Work on your education and future plans. Set up a five year plan and break it down into one year, six months, one month and weekly and daily increments.........and then STICK TO IT.
Unless and until you start attracting, (you are who you attract -- read the ćRules for Being Humanā), higher quality guys, donāt date anyone. Just stick to the basics, i.e. building a better you.
You can do it................if you donāt who will?
- Annabelle
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