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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. I have been waiting for him to ask me to marry him. We have discussed marriage, children and our future together. We have even made plans as to what we would do. I want to have at least one kid before I am 30 years old and he agrees with me. He finished school last June and I know he wanted to wait until it was over before we got married. So I waited for him all last year to ask me. Then in September we got an apartment together. Living together has been going pretty good. I do, however, get frustrated with his housekeeping.
Anyway, I waited until Christmas hoping he would ask me then. But he never did. I brought up the subject of marriage again to him and he said he wants to surprise me with the engagement. So I waited for my birthday and Valentines day, but he never asked. I brought it up again, and he said he wanted to get settled into the job he started in January.
He is very worried about finances and wanted to establish himself in a steady job before doing anything else. I know money is important, but we'll never have enough. We talked about buying a house, but I told him I need to be married before we buy a house together. He has dropped hints about an upcoming engagement, but its been so long that I am very sick of waiting. It has been taking a toll on our relationship. We rarely talk anymore and he is never around. Throughout the entire relationship he has put everything ahead of me, his work, friends, school, etc. I have talked to him about it.
He shuts himself up and won't talk to me about it, probably because we never resolve the problem and I bring it up all the time. I am at a loss as to what to do. I really
love him and have planned my future with him. I have invested way too much into our relationship and really don't want to break it off. Do you think we should go to counseling, or what advice can you give me about this?
A - Dear Tracy,
Yours is a very long question and I could give you a very long answer, however, thatās not necessary. The principle below will handle any and all Īwhat ifsā, and yes, butsā that you may be tempted to add...........
Thereās a general rule in life that goes something like this. Actions count. Words donāt. That is to say, when someone wants something, (REALLY wants something), they get it. Up to that point itās only conversation.
End of subject.
Iād love to hold your hand and tell you lovely fairy stories. Not a good idea. Now ask yourself the REAL question. WHY are YOU, Tracy, spending so much of your life with a guy who ISNāT doing what you (say you) want him to? Ask yourself, Tracy, is it possible that you already HAVE what you want? Iāll bet you do..............!
(In life, what you have, with VERY few exceptions, IS what you want. Think about it.)
- Annabelle
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