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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am in love with a guy from college who is twenty and I am thirty. He really seems interested in me, he want's me to move over to the college to be near him, but I don't know, we have not been sexual, only long hugs, but he has told me he loves me. It was love at first sight, I love him, but will the age difference be a problem?
A - Dear Mystified Man,
Sounds like great fun!.........and, as long as you're aware that this is a 'stage', (most likely for both of you), -- not what you wanted to hear -- it will continue to be a romantics delight.
Aside from the fact that, at twenty, the young man has a great deal of growing and maturing to do, I'd be curious to know what's going on in YOUR life -- or not going on -- that a fellow of the young man's age would be appealing to you...(other than sheer flattery and sexually).
Do you miss your own days at college? (You DID get a good education, yes?)...that's not meant to sound catty........being independant as a female is your very most important duty to yourSELF. Romance and sexual feelings are SUCH fun and do take us away from the dreary everydayness of life. It's such a delightful thrill to fantasize about the young studmuffin finding YOU more desirable than anyone his own age.
....That alone raises some interesting questions......remember, feelings are just that -- feelings. They don't HAVE to be acted upon. What DOES have to be acted upon are those things that bring out the best in YOU......the things that create YOUR 'highest self'.
It would, most likely, not be in your best interest to move over to the college to 'be near him'. There's a term for that.....'townie', and it's not a flattering one. Remember, he knows, as do you, that for guys, their sexual peak is at 16...for women, around 35. By the way, and for what it's worth, a woman's sexual 'peak' can be whenever she darn well wants it to be and the age may be up in the 70's somewhere from the research I've seen....anyway women have much the better of it.
Also, keep in mind that, at 20, he's not really SURE what 'love' is, just that it's something involving an 'other' and sure does feel good -- and so 'grown up!' I'd love to say, 'sure, do whatever feels good'. I won't. Unless you're prepared for this to come crashing to a halt at some point, sooner rather than later, at these ages, the statistics -- and reality -- are against you.
Short answer: no
- Annabelle
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