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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have written to you before and can appreciate good advice when it is given. That is why I am writing to you now. I have chosen to go away for a semester of school. I am really excited about everything but worried about the fact that I have to leave my boyfriend for five months. We are a happy couple who do lots of fun stuff together like dirt biking, swimming and roller blading.
Our relationship is definitely something special. When he walks into the room my heart does this warm skip-a-beat thing that I have never felt before. We both feel that we might be able to stay together for a couple of years..who knows. Anyway we are both worried about being separated from each other.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder but it also can turn into Īout of sight out of mindā. My boyfriend is an extremely hot football player and lots of people want him. I trust him but what if he forgets what he once felt when he kissed me and said he loved me? Any advice to make me feel better? Thanks
A - Dear Tenille,
When you have something Īspecialā, of course you want to hold onto it. When you were younger, you never wanted to end the day at the fair, or the beach. Fun, wonderful stuff just makes life so much happier. The truth is, however, that you are beginning a journey into adulthood that, for the next seven years, will have a maturity curve -- if youāre very lucky -- that will make it highly unlikely that anyone with whom you are now close, will be Īmarriage materialā........as in Īfor ever and everā.
(One of the reasons that movies, soap operas, books and the like are so often focused on the adolescent years is thatās where the turbulence and adventure lie). Itās just, well, more interesting! The roller coaster of life can really take quite a few turns in these years.......ask anyone whoās ever thought Jerry Springer was a great show to watch.
You have a primary obligation to yourself..........an obligation to find -- and to deliver upon -- the Īgiftā that you have been given as a privileged human being in this world. Yes, Ībeing humanā IS a privilege, not an excuse, and YOU, Tenille, have a gift to give that is uniquely yours to give. You may already -- or not -- have an idea what that special quality is. As you go through the next few years you will continue to develop into the more mature version of yourself and your relationships will continue to mature as well.
Does this mean that the person of whom you are currently enamored will, necessarily vanish from your life? No, not necessarily, however, it is extremely unlikely that he will be a permanent inhabitant. As I said, the maturity curve can be amazing.......all the way around. He, too has maturing to do, and, as a Īhot football playerā may not be inclined to demonstrate high moral character. It is far easier in this world to give in to temptations and to stray a bit from what we may consider the Īlineā we ought not to cross. Well, Tenille, if one is tempted to stray a bit, Ījust this onceā, and then a bit again, and after a while, stray a little bit more, where does that leave our original line? Right, waaaaaaaay in the background.
See how easy it is to leave your ideals behind? And youāre expecting this fellow to be tempted..............remember your first question to me? What decision did he make at that time? Donāt beat yourself over the head on this one. Mistakes in judgment are how we learn, not just listening to some olā fuddy-duddy on the internet. You will survive. Just donāt do ANYTHING -- if you get my drift -- to short circuit your journey out into the greater world. Get that education......a good one..........prepare yourself for a terrific career...........your life is ahead of you. Enjoy what you have while you have it, then get on with all that is yet to be.
Have a wonderful time at school! (.............and, for what it's worth, if this fellow IS 'the one'............well, he won't Īforgetā anything).
- Annabelle
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