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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I met a man on a short ski trip in the spring. He was interested in me but he lives 1800 miles from where I do. I have only seen him in person on several occasions, (a few days each time), and he treats me well but how do I know that is the Īreal himā. He is not what I had been looking for, (he is 10 years older than I, divorced with kids, and lives 1800 miles away).
What I am asking is, how can you get to know someone through a long distance relationship so you are seeing the real person and not some act they could put on for a few days? How long should you see someone in aLDR before you can feel you know him? He e-mails me, phones sometimes, yet I don't feel I really KNOW him.
A - Dear Brenda,
You are very perceptive and it sounds as if your instincts are good. Skiing trips, and such, are perfect place for romantic flings -- and such -- and it sounds exactly as if this is what you have here. How do you ćknow if you have the Īrealā person?ä Well, let me give you a (general) time-line:
When you meet someone, anyone, for the first six months, you/they can always be on oneās Ībest behaviorā.....thatās relatively easy. Now, for the first two years, thereās still the remnant Īglowā of Īfirst impressionā.............and Īfirst impressionsā DO last. Then, sometime in that THIRD YEAR, (and, remember, this Ītime lineā is for a couple who live in close proximity to each other), it is most likely that something will happen which is analogous to the Īcat getting itās tail caught under the rocker of the rocking chairā......you will, most likely, see the organism (person) under great stress and you will then Īseeā just what/whom it is that you have.
What you have now is a fantasy. Since he lives so very far away, that he sees you at all is, in itself, somewhat, as we say......āclinically interestingā. Youāre right, you DONāT know him. Skiing is so romantic in and of itself because, not only do the clothes look wonderful and the exercise exhilarating, but everyone has a suntan (even if it IS only from the neck up!), and looks fabulous.
I hear that youād really LIKE to have a permanent companion......is there a large ski club near where you live?
- Annabelle
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