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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I was in love with someone very deeply. He was such a great character. He is 50 years old and we stayed together for 5 years very happily , but, suddenly, I found
out that he betrayed me . It was such a shock to me that I lost confidence in him. He wanted me to leave him and, within 6 months, we broke up. I could not bear his bad treatment.
After a while I met a doctor who is such a tender man. He is so loving so caring and he loves me very much and has asked me to marry him .The problem is, I feel that I do not love him that much as I am still deeply in love with my first lover. You see, after one and half year from breaking with my first guy, I feel that I still love him and at the same time still hurt too much.
What can I do? Do I live with my memories and thatās it , or get married to this perfect doctor and try to love him ?
A - Dear Heidi,
Ouch.....that hurts. Now, this fellow of whom you are speaking is not only 20 years your senior, but is, most likely, at an entirely different developmental stage......(and not bothered by heavy waves of integrity, from what you say).
Itās very easy for me to tell you to Īlet go and move onā, however if this kind of person is attractive to you., then youāll have a very rough time of it, indeed. The Īgoodā guy is (almost) never as tempting as is the Ībadā guy. You have, evidently, learned to want what you cannot easily have.
By the way, this is not uncommon for women as, when girl children are in the early developmental stages, fathers were (often) seen as Īdistant, aloof and unavailableā. (The truth may simply be that they were hard at work supporting their families and either too tired at days end to play with the little girls or, frequently, didnāt know how to relate, not only to children, but to little girls in particular.)
Heidi, you CAN learn to love the kind and available doctor. Go for the GOOD stuff! Life is just too short to chase yesterdayās butterflies...............
- Annabelle
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