|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been in a relationship for over 1 1/2 years. There have been a lot of arguments where I was told to leave, called names, yelled, cursed at or ignored. I thought if I hung in there and tried to make him happy that it would stop. There has been a couple of times where I got so frustrated that I hit a wall, walked out, and even
slapped him when I though he was completely ignoring me and smoking pot instead. I'm really scared for myself but more importantly I'm afraid of him. He blames me for everything and because I slapped, he has told his friends that I'm violent and that he's afraid of me. He said that I was emotionally unstable and immature. I'm so confused. Am I really this bad or is he or both. Right now, we aren't speaking. What can I do to repair the damage?
A - Dear Alicia,
Iām going to give you an answer that you may not have anticipated.......I hope you can Īhearā the message. CAN you Īrepair the damageā? Very likely so. However, the Īdamageā is not where you think it is........for the Īdamageā lies within your SELF.
Are you a Ībadā person? No, probably not. Have you made Ībadā choices for yourself? Most assuredly, yes. Youāre 27, and I donāt know how much correction you want to undertake in your life. (I will say one thing that, in my opinion, you might consider just dropping this guy). Youāre in a no-win situation..........he is NOT going to change. Whether YOU change, (or not), is up to you.
Alicia, in your infancy and childhood you developed both a tolerance and a taste for violence as a way of communication. Someone you tried to Īmake happyā, either your mother or father, (or both), were so unpredictable and so unforthcoming with all the lovey, mooshy stuff munchkins need that YOU decided that if you were Ījust good enoughā, everything would be all right.
Well, it wasnāt then, itās not now, and, with this behavior pattern of yours, never will be. What can you do about it? I donāt know your financial situation, but putting yourself on a two-year course of self-improvement has a good chance of moving you OUT of this kind of very bad interaction.
You see, Alicia, you donāt HAVE to live this way.....(itās just the only way you know HOW to live right now). Television is NOT a good indicator of how other people live, either. There really IS a world out here where people get along, treat each other kindly and with reason and donāt live in turmoil. YOU, Alicia can have that if you really want it............but youāve got to **REALLY** want it. It will take an ENORMOUS amount of consistent work. Think on this: consider the consequences for your life if you DONāT make that change. The same amount of time will pass.............you just wonāt get to leave that room youāre in right now ---- ever.
If you DONāT make a change, any children you have are condemned to repeat YOUR behavior patterns unless they see another way of doing things. Do you have the strength, endurance, and determination to find the way out?
- Annabelle
|
