|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Where to start? I started going out with my second serious boyfriend, Johannes, when I was 18. I went into the relationship with my eyes wide open, well at least I thought I was. He was 36 years old, married with 2 children. We continued to see each other for 18 years. He got divorced and has informed me that our relationship is now over. Needless to say I was confused.
I asked him what had I done wrong. His only comment was that I had made it too easy for him to continue to see me. He said that I was too reliable and that he could depend on me. In other words I was always there for him! I'm now trying to pick up the piece of my life. This is not easy as I have not kept a large circle of friends and have never been dumped.
Where do I start? How do I take control of my life. I did go for counseling and it did help, but how and where do you go to meet nice men?
A - Dear Claire,
To put this as briefly as possible, some men donāt want what they can easily have. That these are not emotionally healthy people is small comfort to you.
Iāll go over a couple of Īrulesā here.
Number one. NEVER date a married man.....ever!
(This has nothing to do with the morality of the issue).
Number two. Donāt take ANY man seriously within two years of a separation. (Or woman), either......theyāre still in shock and not suitable for a new pairing. There are RARE exceptions to this, but donāt play that game.
Now, you actually fooled yourself with a young girlās delusion. That he would leave his wife and MARRY you! (Happens sometimes, but not often enough to bet your life on it as you have done).
What you need to do now is play Īcatch-upā....something that is very hard to do. During all of those years when you would have been building social skills and meeting large numbers of people, you were his plaything. Sad, but true. Iām glad to hear that you did see a counselor.
You might try joining a goodly number of groups with a charitable purpose.....groups that are active in improving your city. There are numbers of singles in those groups and the marrieds know of singles to whom they might introduce you. This is going to be difficult, and you are probably still hurting.
About the only comfort you can take from this is that you were young and made a very foolish decision. That he was a cad may or may not register..........he used you. Much good luck in making better choices for yourself.....there ARE terrific men out there.....letās hope you find one!
- Annabelle
|
