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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Could you please provide me with techniques/guidelines for quick recovery from a love affair in which I loved the man VERY much but had to call it quits due to the fact that he couldn't offer me more than a once a week visit or less, ie., no relationship as such.
I am also extracting myself from a most unsuitable marriage -- neither of these were connected. I am hurting badly as I truly loved this man, (not my ex-husband). How do I cope now?
A - Dear Katrina,
Well, I have no Îmagic wandâ, but a very common pattern for anyone in an unsatisfactory marriage is to enter immediately into an unsatisfactory secondary relationship......rather like Îtwo cookies out of the same boxâ, so to speak.
You see, we each carry within us the patterns that we recognize and, without professional help, i.e., from a good psychologist, the patterns of our lives will simply be repeated over .......and over .........and over..........itâs all we know how to do.
Without learning new patterns and understanding how to recognize old behaviors. thereâs really nothing else that we CAN do.
Now, as to helping you find a Îquick wayâ out of the heartache. There is never a Îquick wayâ to recover from these situations. You have responded to a need that lies deep within your unconscious......and thereâs never any Îgetting overâ that hook-up. The pain will eventually subside, it may take up to two years for you not to resonate to him whenever you hear his name or think of him. As I said, the pattern of attraction is coming from within yourself......and you canât get away from that without professional help.
The best way to Îget overâ an old relationship is to begin a Înewâ relationship. However, you may just continue to do the same thing again. Without a Îredirectionâ of your understanding of yourself, the prognosis of the kind of man who will attract you is not very promising.
Arenât YOU worth an investment of your time and $$$? Isnât it time that YOU got some attention? Give yourself a couple of years to get yourself redirected and see if you donât start attracting a better and more suitable group of males. Youâve EARNED it, havenât you?
- Annabelle
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