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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been dating "Arthur" now for five months. He is quite a bit older than I am (13 years) so I was a bit reticent about getting involved with him. He is very kind to me and has never pushed me for anything more than my company. During the past few months I have become accustomed to him being very deferential to me and treating me very sweetly.
We became intimate last weekend and it was more my idea than his. Since this occurred I have noticed that he is less deferential to me and actually seems to be most interested in the intimate part of our relationship instead of in me. I really liked the way he acted before and would like to know how I should proceed.
Did I make a mistake?
A - Dear Ana,
Well, Iâm Îhoping you didnât do the wrong thingâ too! My guess that at 44, your friend Arthur is reveling in the sexual thrill that you have now shared with him. Face it, sex is just about more fun that a human ought to be allowed to have, but, once having acquired a taste of it, so to speak, a fellow can...sometimes......forget his manners.
Where does that leave you? Having to Îretrainâ him, of course! It may sound odd, but women are actually in control of this process. Males can get quite cranky that a female can just up and walk away leaving them........alone. Men rather hope that women wonât realize this, however, thatâs just about the way it always is. That women forget this puts things in disarray sometimes.
Now, take your Îpowerâ back. And, by Îpowerâ I donât mean that you should misuse it, ok? It is, however very reasonable that you should be well treated and kept happy. Who wants to be intimate with someone who doesnât treat them gloriously? Sex is too wonderful to share it with an unappreciative type. Kind words and small attentions, at the very least, keep things purring along ever so much more smoothly.
Talk to him, tell him how you feel. Ask questions....listen. Enjoy....*safely*, by the way!
- Annabelle
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