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Q - Dear Annabelle,
How is it that two people who, otherwise, get along just great have so many arguments?
A - Dear Dina,
For some people arguing is actually a FORM of communication. For others, it can be an erotic experience and a form of foreplay. (There are many reasons for arguing), sometimes itâs just a difference in communication skills. By that, I mean that you may actually be using two different communication Îstylesâ and are likely speaking two different communication dialects.
There are ways to begin speaking a Îcommonâ language and avoiding arguments. One of the surest ways of NOT arguing is to realize that arguing takes TWO people so, unless one is arguing with oneself, if one of you resists the temptation to join in the fray and declines to participate, thus creating the equation that IS an Îargumentâ, then no argument can ensue.
In the psychology section of any good bookstore, you will find good books on communication Îstylesâ.
Here is one from Amazon.com
. 20 Advanced Communication Tips for Couples :
A 90-Minute Investment in a Better Relationship ~
Doyle Barnett / Paperback / Published 1997
another, (and, depending on your feelings about this series), is:
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus :
A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and
Getting What You Want in Your Relationships ~
John Gray / Hardcover / Published 1992
(Actually, whether you like Dr. Grayâs work or not he, arguably, has the principles correct.)
- Annabelle
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