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Q - Dear Annabelle,
What does exactly mean when a guy says "let's slow down" "i don't want to push this too soon" I've been seeing this guy for about 2 months now, and I guess it's been too fast for us, yes, we are already already doing the sexual thing. However, it seems like we're just seeing each other casually and not exclusively.
The other day I complained about him not returning my calls or not replying to my emails. I could understand that he's busy but just a simple email reply is all I need.
I hardly call him, he's the one always calling me and I tried not to be pushy. But our last phone conversation, he just said those words quoted above. "Let's just get to know each other." He knows that I like him for I told him. He told me he cares about me.
Do you think he likes me too? What gives?
A - Dear Lisa,
ĪDoing the sexual thingā can blow a relationship right out of the water if the guy thinks of you in terms more than just an Īeasy layā. Think for a minute. Heās thinking that if you go to bed with HIM so quickly, well, how may OTHER guys have there been?
Youāre in your 30ās so youāve had some Īroad experienceā as it were, and youāre in a position to make better choices for yourself. If this is a fellow who might possibly be a Īkeeperā and youāre intimate too quickly -- or at all -- before a commitment is made, well, thatās just not a good idea. Recreational sex is just not usually a good idea.....especially if you hope to make a relationship last.
A long time ago, sex just WASNāT part of an ongoing relationship......there are so MANY other ways of expressing pleasure and interest that, these days, sex is often just an Īeasy outā. Something to do thatās Īfunā, doesnāt cost a lot, (that is, if you donāt get pregnant or a disease), and passes the time.
The purpose of sex, (the original game plan), is for procreation, so a certain Īdesignā was set in place.Women are attractive, men are attracted, (and the other way around as well), both get sexually excited, and go into Īcourting behaviorā. The woman selects the male with whom she will have sex, (usually the one that can catch the biggest beast and also protect the offspring), and then sexual matingr takes place.
Today, much of that early pattern set is forgotten and people think of sex as one more recreational drug. THAT it is.....and is NOT. Sexual behavior has consequences, one of which, after awhile, is desensitization......a close relative of boredom. Males, and some females, need constant new stimulation sexually. This is NOT a mature adult, by the way.
Now, to avoid copious over answer, Iāll just say this. When your fellow wants to Īslow downā.....take that as a compliment that heād like to get to know YOU better....beFORE he gets in a position where his brains fall out. It canāt hurt. It might even help.
There is one other possibilty that may have (by now) become obvious to you........
he MAY have met someone else..........someone with whom he has NOT yet become intimate and who is still a challenge. Happens.
- Annabelle
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