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Q - Dear Annabelle,
What can you do when you love someone who has the personality of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Sometimes he is loving and sweet, other times he is hateful and abusive. When he's nice, he's the nicest person in the world. Loving, giving, caring. I just don't know what to do.
A - Dear Jackie,
There are a couple of possibilities here. You might keep a diary and Īchartā his daily moods. After about three months you may be able to discern a pattern of behavior and also have a record of any likely Ītriggersā. Without any further information I cannot diagnose this situation, however thereās a possibility of a treatable disorder here. (Possible bi-polar, but this can only be diagnosed by a competent doctor....there could be other causes, such as substance abuse.) Too, sometimes brain chemistry goes Īoffā as we age and there are some effective medications...even some effective herbal remedies, (such as St. Johnās Wort), that can ameliorate temperament difficulties.
Now, that you have to live with this on an ongoing basis is something else again. If this if a person to whom you are married, that is somewhat different than if the person is not a spouse. If you are NOT married to this person, then, project yourself five years into the future and, if the situation has not improved, how will you feel about making the decision to stay with them? You say that you Īloveā this person......what is it in you that has developed a tolerance for the Mr. Hyde side of the personality? Who, in your past, had to be mollified so you could feel Īlovedā BY them? (This is learned behavior.)
You can make your feelings about this kind of behavior very clear........that another person behaves badly to the extent that he is a ĪMr. Hydeā, and you have discussed this with him, and he CHOOSES not to modify his behavior, then it is YOU who needs to make a decision about whether the relationship is to continue. I know that heartstrings are very involved here, however, only YOU can decide how much of this you can take. Perhaps the Ītradeoffsā of remaining in the relationship are worth the agony of Īrunning between the raindropsā......or, worse, living with a Īloose cannon on the deck of a ship in a violent stormā...........again, only YOU can decide. YOU are a grownup...if there are children involved here, then the stakes are immeasurably higher.
Give this whole thing a LOT of thought. I know how very difficult this can be.
- Annabelle
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