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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I've only known him a month , we've dated twice , and he is already asking for my hand in marriage. I'm scared. I would like to be married so, how do I know he will be theā rightā one?
A - Dear Karin,
Well, these things DO happen. However, you DONāT marry him for about two years, (ok, in your case, at 41, maybe a year and a half). Hereās the deal......that he is attracted to you and thinks of you as marriageable, is terrific. That you are feeling rushed is very wise. Remember........anyone can maintain a facade for six months to a year.......even you. Thatās really easy. Being on ones Ībest behaviorā can hold up for about that long.
Some time during the second year thereās a pretty good chance of a person revealing, Īwho they really areā. Now, you probably donāt want to wait and go into that crucial Īthirdā year........but, by then, and possibly earlier, the effect that I call Īthe catās tail getting caught under the rocking chairā will take place. It would be AT THAT POINT where you would Īseeā just who it is that youāve really got.
Now, there are investigative questions for you to ask yourself. Has he been married before? For how long? Are their any children? If so, how old? How old is he, (really?) What broke up the marriage(s)? (Because, very likely you are looking at, especially in this age range, how YOUR relationship will go.) If he HAS been married, is he divorced? FOR how long? (If itās not for AT LEAST two years.....thatās a warning sign.) Has he been married more than once? (BIG warning sign.) Where does he live? Have you visited his place of residence? Does he own or rent?
Where does his extended family live? Where are his immediate family members? Has he introduced you to his friends? How many? Where did he go to school? What are his degrees? Where does he work? How much does he earn? What are his goals and passions in life?
I wouldnāt get seriously involved with anyone at this stage in life on whom you have not had an investigative service do a report. While there are a lot of great guys available on, what I call the Īsecondary marketā, itās far easier to know NOW if there is something of which you should be aware.
Take your time and enjoy......and remember, being lonely and single isnāt nearly the same as being lonely and..................married.
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