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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been dating a guy for almost 4 years. (I will tell you he just turned 24.) We had a lot of fun camping, concerts, traveling. I confronted him on the phone 2 months ago and I ask him if I am to assume that we are finished and his reply was "yep", I said "ok", he called 2 weeks later and ask me to come over and wanted to know if I wanted to go
fishing, something else we would do, I did not go. He basically ended this on October 6, he still calls like nothing is wrong, when I invite him over, he doesn't show.
He is a Scorpio, He had lived with me also at one point for about a year. I tell him I still love him, I really do miss having him around, I don't understand why he won't come around, is this to keep me here so I won't find someone else because he can't decide what he wants? He has told me he loves me, please help me with this. Thank You I want him to be in my life again, not just phone friends.
A - Dear Lana,
Unless thatās a typo on your age, youāve been dating...(and having a sexual relationship?)...with a guy 20 years your junior? Hmmmmm, interrrresting.......
Now, that youāve been with him during some seriously formative years is a given, that heās seen in you a surrogate, (I have no idea a surrogate what..but an age difference of this magnitude at his, and at your, stage(s) in life is, shall we say, Īclinically interestingā) is also a Īgivenā. There are some things that just donāt compute easily, and this is one of them.
Now, guys are pretty straightforward and uncomplicated. They just Īdo what they doā. This is not to say that some of them donāt go for Īsensitivity trainingā and read John Greyās books form the ćMars and Venusä series..which, by the way, may be a too cute title, but are full of sound observations. Guys are just, well, for the most part, guys. Women, on the other hand are usually, all convoluted. No WONDER everyone seems to get their signals crossed...we really ARENāT speaking the same language.
Your fellow is moving to a different stage in his development and, in you, he may see a really neat combination....someone with whom he can do all the Īguy thingsā and have sex into the bargain. Now THAT is a GOOD thing from his viewpoint. There is no WAY that he's EVER going to be on your developmental level...what's probably going to happen is that heāll find someone his own age and move on. (Sad, for you, but true.)
I do hope you had the good sense to enjoy the ride,ācause it sounds very much as if itās time for YOU to move on too. Life is full of wonderful experiences......the key to most of them is timing. ĪTimingā means that you know when to indulge and when to let go......youāve reached the Īletting goā and moving on to another delicious, thoughtful, provoking, profound, tragic, mundane, fabulous, (or whatever), level. If you have taken the care to develop yourself along the way, you are able to withdraw back into yourself, regroup, as it were, and venture forth again.
To cling past the time of Īletting goā would be folly. Life is a continuum for all of us....just as in nature there are ebbs and flows, our lives are attuned to the same lyrical dance. Be aware of how things are.......saves a lot of pain.
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