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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I went out with a new guy over the weekend. He's 44 and I am 43. He is what I would consider a "good" guy. Unfortunately, I can already see that, for a long term relationship, we have some fundamental differences. He believes in God and goes to church; I don't. He is raising two teenage boys as a single father and I had always told myself that I would not date a man who was bringing up children because then there would be less time for him and me (but don't get me wrong, I believe that his children should definitely come first, I'm just saying that this would not be an ideal situation for me). Also, I have not been in a relationship for ages and ages and am really looking for a special significant other. He has been divorced for almost ten years and is also looking for a special someone.
Question. Should I tell him, right away, that I don't think the situation will lead anywhere because he isn't an "ideal" candidate or should I just relax and see what will happen. We have talked about getting together to go dancing.
A - Dear Angelika,
As an aside here, itās Īinterestingā that you Īdonāt believe in godā........next time you have a decade or so to think, try asking yourself, ćAngelika, WHY IS it that thereās Īsomethingā and not Īnothingā. (That one will keep you busy for awhile.)
Now, to your question. If this fellow is as you say, I concur with your assessment. There are plenty of other men out there. Anyway if he DOES ābelieve in God and goes to churchā and is raising two teenage boys and you feel that these conditions would Īintrudeā on your time together, then leave him for a woman who will enhance his life, not be a drag on it.
There are other fish in the sea you know. Donāt take up time in someoneās life if you are not in the position to make a positive addition to it.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Thank you for getting back to me. Your comments were pretty tough. (I actually almost started to cry from feeling sorry for myself), but they were also very very true. You are right. I especially liked your remarks about Īenhancing someone else's lifeā and being a positive influence on it instead of a drag. This is rough stuff for me, but I hear you.
In the meantime, he and I have gone out a few more times and I also met his boys yesterday. I knew that he was a good guy but I am finding out that he is positively amazing. He says the most wonderful things about God and love and friendship and family and respect. He's done a terrific job raising his boys. I spend almost all of yesterday with them. We went to church and then to a movie and then he cooked dinner for us. He is so nice. It was a bittersweet kind of day, though. Sweet because I enjoyed being there and being part of a family and bitter because it pointed out the things that are missing in my life.
I want to be/become the kind of person that I think that he and his boys
deserve more than anything in the world and I am not afraid to put in the
effort.
Annabelle, what do you think, is there hope for me?
Thank you again for responding to my e-mail. You've given me lots to think
about. Thank you.
A - Dear Angelika,
Is there hope for you? Absolutely.....! Just as we Īknowā there is a ĪSanta Clausā, (odd analogy, I know), because the Īspirit of givingā moves us to enhance others lives at Christmas time, evidence of ĪGodā is in the reflection of lives well lived. As you describe this gentleman, the evidence of the joy and understanding of ĪGodā is there in his life...and the light has now spread to yours. Now, that you are open to this understanding, and to participating in one of the wonders of the universe, this may cause all manner of thoughts to be rushing through your mind. If, and Īifā is a big one here, you are willing to achieve a new kind of realization that there is a greatness beyond our own earthly understanding of the world, then, yes, venture into a new life together. Only you know the possibilities open to you and what lies in your heart.
Much joy and wonder in you new journey of discovery.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Now I am crying. Thank you so very very much for your wonderfully hopeful and encouraging, and oh so sweet, words. I really needed them. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me yet again.
I am ever so willing.
Much joy to you also.
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