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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I was involved in, (it ended this week), a long-distance relationship with a guy I had fallen in love with. We had only been dating for 6 months, but he seemed like 'the one' and made every indication that he felt the same way. We saw each other for a week or two every month. Anyway, he was constantly telling me that he loved me, wanted me, missed me in emotional and physical ways, and even made suggestions of a future together. I just found out that all along, he was concerned that he didn't have physical passion for me. He says that although he was attracted to me, he had been more
attracted to other women in his past, and couldn't get over this, although he still claims that the physical side of our relationship was 'good'.
He is a few years younger, and I think his expectations of passion in a long-term relationship are unrealistic. Can a truly loving and intimate long-term relationship have sustained passion? I too, felt attraction, but not passion for him physically. However, this is not a priority, especially because I think that passion fades over time no matter what, so it's silly to end an otherwise great relationship because of that. Is my perspective wrong? Is true physical passion
sustainable?
A - Dear Janet,
One of the problems with being a Īgrownupā is that we sometimes feel that weāre Īold enoughā to do what we want to, believing that the ārules of engagementā will be suspended just for us....and, sometimes, I suppose they are, but not so often that one would take notice of it.
You, quite simply, put the Īcart before the horseā.....you just got all hot and horny, got naked and did it....and then found out that,,, hmmmmmmm, maybe thereās more TO this. (Or, at least, thatās what youāre telling me happened).....at least with him. If heās a Īfew years youngerā than you, heās definitely unripe and unready for a permanent relationship and yet, there you were, already picking out shoes to match the dress.
I do hope you learned something....you were so anxious to have the whole package that you rushed to get the Īgolden eggā and may have killed the goose...who knows? Youāll have other chances, likely with guys more nearly your age, but this time, enchant them with your mind.......read up on Helen of Troy.....there was LOTS of passion for her and think what everyone had to go through to just get near her!
- Annabelle
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