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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Three years ago I divorced my husband on 13 years. Within six months I was seeing someone. A year or so later I realized how much in love with this person I really was. I got scared and left him. Went back to my Ex. Within two months I realized I was pregnant. Now, another year has gone by. I am no longer with my Ex but now back with this man I love so much.. Still Do... He is every thing I ever dreamed of. How do I get him to trust me again. I know he Loves me. Or he would not be with me again
but. How do I get him trust me??
A - Dear Tracy,
You left out one not-so-small element here...........āpregnantā....by whom? If you now have a munchkin, your FIRST allegiance is to see that your child has a good and loving home with a father who will love him/her and see that he/she has a good and loving upbringing.
Now, as to the other question, (which is a very good one, by the way).....I will only say that you are in need of some very, very good psychological help. The confusion you are displaying cannot be addressed by me in a few words, (or paragraphs)....this is a REAL, genuine deep-down-from-the-very-forgotten-past kind of problem. AND, if you donāt take my suggestion seriously, and you continue on your merry way without getting help, whatever drove you to act the way you have is going to repeat itself, over and over and over...... and over.......indefinitely.
These deep seated problems are not amenable to Īthinkingā or Īfixingā.....because we Īdidnāt think our way into themā, neither can we Īthink our way out of them.ā This is one of the reasons good psychologists are so necessary. To get back into those very, very early years where the beliefs patterns were set up is psychic drudgery at best, but the hard work is worth the effort.........and the expense. Only you can determine just what the quality of your life is worth........
Now, how do you get this person to trust you again? Well, once burned, twice shy......you must NEVER *EVER* give him the slightest cause to doubt you......and it would be a really good idea to go into couples counseling with him if you have any concerns at all. You know, we take our clothes to the cleaners, our cars to the mechanics and our bodies to the gym....isnāt it interesting that when someone suggests getting our thinking processes checked....the VERY thing that CREATES so many of our problems, that we feel that THATāS a crazy idea?
Remember, Īthinkingā is just the sum of our beliefs and behaviors being Īfilteredā through our experiences. Keeping in mind that Īperceptionā is inaccurate at best, and that each of us developed inside a different system, (family), now wouldnāt you think that a good Īreality checkā mightnāt be a timely idea?
Anyway, you decide....itās your life....but then, you already know that. ; )
- Annabelle
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