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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Your answer to the "melt with a kiss" inquirer was based on fundamental values that was directed truly to her overall mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
I would like to ask you a question. I am a very basic and bold, but not obsessive nor imposing, believer in the principles and guidelines of the Bible in its entirety. It's principles are the base of my spiritual, emotional and intellectual thinkings. This is based upon the taste and non-departure of Christian virtues injected through my being from my mother, my education, and early-life circle of friends. As a result, I firmly believe that affections and friendships are precious. They influence everything in your life and the life of others. They are to be taken seriously and requires bonding time, loyalty, honesty, reliability, patience, mental gratification more than physical and sexual satisfaction requires mutual giving and support.
Now, in being this way, I evaluate people thoroughly before making any kind of relationship commitment I may get drunk and throw away the mental aspects to engage in sexual needs afterward which, my attitude is guilt of wrongdoing and protection, (you got what you wanted and so did I, but nothing else is there, since the aids epidemic, I do that even more).
I have many true acquaintances, but not one intimate friendship.I can't seem to compromise my belief system. When I detect that in any way, shape, or form, a person is more self-centered than selfless, I move on very mentally quick. I don't break the acquaintance nor support they may need, just the mental emotional intimate involvement.
Lately, as I get older, I seem to be weakening. I seem to be developing a severe "mental and skin hunger or yearning" beyond a level of temperament. I pray, but I'm more and more impatient and anxious, I suppress the desires, but I dare not seek I daydream more and more. I seem to need and want a more visible human touch to mix with the invisible presence of love, protection, care, and guidance. I feel like I'm losing a grip. Maybe I'm just going through an age re-gathering or maybe I'm being severely and subliminally influenced by the air of sexual implications and acts in everything around and I'm having a battle between the upper and the lower spirits.
You know the funny thing, I don't even have a question. The more I write this note, the less frustrated I feel. I guess I just wanted to communicate with someone.
You know, I never thought I would ever be writing a note like this on the
Internet. I feel like I just violated something.
Thanx, for listening.
A - Dear Margaret,
The Bible says "Judge not, that ye be not judged." Yet, you have been so intensely judgmental all your life that you have deprived yourself, and those around you, of possibilities of happiness that God has created. There is another, very important, and often misunderstood passage. Remember, ăLove thy neighbor as thyselfâ? Well, lots of people have gotten very good at Îlovingâ their neighbors, but seem to have forgotten the Îbalancingâ side of that equation.... Îthy SELFâ. Now, to truly love ones Îselfâ doesnât mean to be self-centered, or self-absorbed. Think for a minute, Margaret, you say you believe in the fundamentals of the Bible. Do you believe the part about being Îcreated in Godâs imageâ? If you DO believe that, and believe that loving God is our highest calling, then doesnât loving his amazing handiwork follow.....just logically?
Recently, one of this summerâs Îhome run heroesâ, Mark McGwire said something along the lines of, ăIâm so good!ä (or something that got some of the more twerpy moralists panties in a twist),.......think, for a moment, about what it IS he said.....it is my belief that the comment was not vanity or pride speaking, but the simple extraordinary joy of Îpride of ownershipâ, as it were.....âlook at what a wonderful body and talents I have been given!â, that sort of thing......sheer appreciation for the Creatorâs handiwork.
Margaret, at 53, isnât it time that you looked into your self and began to love, and to accept with joy, all that you are......all that you can be? A healthy sexual nature is part of that, you know. A glorious sex life, in the appropriate context of mutual love, is, in my never-to-be-humble-opinion, Godâs reward to us for being human.
Even after feeling relieved to tell me about your frustration, you write "I feel I just violated something." Margaret, you probably feel that you "just violated something" more often than not. Your "severe mental or skin hunger" may have focused that feeling, but didn't create it.
Next time you feel you just Îviolatedâ something, know that you are turning on yourself the same harsh judgment you have turned on others. That's why you have "many true acquaintances, but not one intimate friendship.ä You complain proudly, "I can't seem to compromise my belief system." (That sounds pretty rigid.) Consider the effects of your rigidity and you'll see why Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
What your letter describes is not a moral dilemma but a deficit of love, love for yourself ......and thus for others.
Don't just write letters to relieve the tension that deficit produces. Discuss this with your minister or priest. He will know the names of therapists who practice Christian Counseling. Virtue is not the opposite of God's happiness. Or at least it shouldn't be.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Taking from "something of a line" from Mark McGwire, allow me to paraphrase and say "you're so good!",(smile). I read your comments many times, and one thing I realized is that sometimes a person can get too involved in principles and fail to see the one or two things that they themselves are guilty of to an extreme.
You are right, I do feel like I "just violated something" most of the time and I am very judgmentally harsh on myself and others. After I read your note, I could see how my first notion is to look for a fault to use as the hammer to keep my distance. I may be "scared to death to give or accept an inch". I guess it has become so much a part of my every moment's attitude that I do not see it for what it is doing; killing me softly and isolating myself for self-righteous emptiness. Uh, so wonder I feel like I'm Îlosing my gripâ; my rope is waxed.
You know, maybe I can't seem to compromise my belief system, but I sure am not evaluating it properly. Good thing I have not compromised it because I may have been very imposing. Without the proper view from the top aspects of it, i may have really gotten hurt or truly hurt someone emotionally. I did not proudly complain (smile).
I've isolated myself intimately because I have not ăloved my neighbor as myself". Iâve got to change the "contents and scope of the love" so to speak.
This week, I shall spend quality time evaluating all of what you said, and see if I can truly take a "rigid" giant step towards loving myself a little better; especially since it has been revealed that this is the key to my "love deficit".
I hope that once I get on the right track, they don't have to put me in a cage (smile).
One of the things I have been working on is "Pride". Like Audrey Hepburn said in the movie, "The NUN's Story"..."when I succeed in obeying the rule, I fail at the same time because I have pride in succeeding." Thanx for being rather candid. I see how deeply ingrained the number one "sin" is in my chosen and acquired attitude. I don't even realize how deep and obvious it is.
Your reply was confrontational for me to myself.
In "contemplated review" of 1998...I not only decided to silently thank you for your November 8, 1998 reply, but to genuinely say aloud...thank you! Whether you remember my note to you or not is totally unimportant...Your reply is more importantly remembered by me; it helped the impetus of my personal attitude to relate more securely to myself and others making for a more tolerable, gentle and loving disposition and spirit...it is said that if the truth hurts, it ought to. I was and am so happy to be hurt (smile)...the next half, although, by nature, will have ups and downs, my "reaction" attitude seems lighter and brighter from now.
You Îwoke me upâ so to speak. Some of my current relationships have gotten a little sweeter......especially the one I have with myself......a friend of mine says, it's catching (smile).
Happy New Year and may God watch, guard, guide, protect, and bless you, your family, and friends every day!
A - Dear Margaret,
The Bible says "Judge not, that ye be not judged." Yet, you have been so intensely judgmental all your life that you have deprived yourself, and those around you, of possibilities of happiness that God has created. There is another, very important, and often misunderstood passage. Remember, ăLove thy neighbor as thyselfâ? Well, lots of people have gotten very good at Îlovingâ their neighbors, but seem to have forgotten the Îbalancingâ side of that equation.... Îthy SELFâ. Now, to truly love ones Îselfâ doesnât mean to be self-centered, or self-absorbed. Think for a minute, Margaret, you say you believe in the fundamentals of the Bible. Do you believe the part about being Îcreated in Godâs imageâ? If you DO believe that, and believe that loving God is our highest calling, then doesnât loving his amazing handiwork follow.....just logically?
Recently, one of this summerâs Îhome run heroesâ, Mark McGwire said something along the lines of, ăIâm so good!ä (or something that got some of the more twerpy moralists panties in a twist),.......think, for a moment, about what it IS he said.....it is my belief that the comment was not vanity or pride speaking, but the simple extraordinary joy of Îpride of ownershipâ, as it were.....âlook at what a wonderful body and talents I have been given!â, that sort of thing......sheer appreciation for the Creatorâs handiwork.
Margaret, at 53, isnât it time that you looked into your self and began to love, and to accept with joy, all that you are......all that you can be? A healthy sexual nature is part of that, you know. A glorious sex life, in the appropriate context of mutual love, is, in my never-to-be-humble-opinion, Godâs reward to us for being human.
Even after feeling relieved to tell me about your frustration, you write "I feel I just violated something." Margaret, you probably feel that you "just violated something" more often than not. Your "severe mental or skin hunger" may have focused that feeling, but didn't create it.
Next time you feel you just Îviolatedâ something, know that you are turning on yourself the same harsh judgment you have turned on others. That's why you have "many true acquaintances, but not one intimate friendship.ä You complain proudly, "I can't seem to compromise my belief system." (That sounds pretty rigid.) Consider the effects of your rigidity and you'll see why Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins.
What your letter describes is not a moral dilemma but a deficit of love, love for yourself ......and thus for others.
Don't just write letters to relieve the tension that deficit produces. Discuss this with your minister or priest. He will know the names of therapists who practice Christian Counseling. Virtue is not the opposite of God's happiness. Or at least it shouldn't be.
- Annabelle
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