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Q - Dear Annabelle,
A little over a month ago my live in girlfriend left me, without any warning. she said she
Īwasnāt happyā. Iāve realized my mistakes now, and Iāve told her that Iām willing to work things out. She hasnāt called or contacted me in three weeks. She said she was Īconfused and needed time to thinkā. I haven't seen her in three weeks. I told her I would give her that time. Iām afraid if I don't call her I'll lose her but I'm also afraid if I call her she'll think I'm trying to push her. I didnāt do enough before. and I lost her. I'm afraid if I donāt do anything now, I'll lose her for good. please help....thanks
A - Dear Chris,
In reading your letter, I notice that you use the work Īafraidā a lot. For a 28 year old to use Īafraidā in the context of a relationship loss generally indicates that some hard time with a psychologist would be a really good idea. Youāve attached a significance to your friend separate from who she really is and that may be the cause of the distance between you.
You say that youāve Īrealized your mistakesā, yet Iāll bet that your reality and hers were simply not congruent. You see, Īrealizing your mistakesā and actually modifying your behavior when youāre NOT focused on Īrealizing your mistakesā are two very different things. Your everyday behavior is a result of unconscious, not conscious, processes, so your current Īrealizationā is not actually a Īvalidā change. I would bet that, with some serious hard work with a good therapist, youād have, not only a clearer idea of who you are and what a healthy relationship is, but youād actually develop that relationship.......not necessarily with this particular woman, but with one to whom you are more ideally suited.
Good luck on your journey of self discovery.
- Annabelle
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