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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My sweetheart and I have been dating for almost 5 years. Everything is blissful. We are indeed best friends. I know we would both like to marry, but both being older, (she is 35, Iām 41) I guess we have gotten set in our ways and we have simply come to an impasse. The problem is our living arrangement. She built a new house a couple of years ago and was disappointed that I wouldn't marry her at the time and move right in. I love her. I hate her house. It is so uncomfortable. It is beautiful to look at but there is no place to just be comfortable. Nothing comfortable to sit on or to lay on. It is in one of those new subdivisions where every one lives on a tiny little lot and drives a mini-van.
She doesn't even like it anymore. On the other hand. I live in a really nice luxury
town home in a very fine neighborhood. I built it new 13 years ago. It has appreciated in value nearly 50%. And yes, it is nearly paid for. It is comfortable. So comfortable that my sweetheart stay!s here 90% of the time. She wants to stay here. She admits that it is a more comfortable place. So what is the problem? I suggested that we completely remodel the townhouse to her taste, get married, sell her home and live happily ever after in the townhouse. Heck, we could even pay it off! NO WAY! She keeps taking me out to look at HUGE houses. I mean museums! It would take
most of what we both make just to keep up with the payments. Not to mention all of the
furniture the place would need. What are we gonna do with 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms anyway?
She earns a large salary in her job but it causes her major stress and forces her to travel a lot. She lost the custody of her son mostly because of her job. She could marry me and live in the lap of luxury and work as much as she wanted to or not at all. I deeply love this woman and would be honored to have her as my wife. We are good for each other. I think she is about to the end of her rope however. She hasn't come right out and said it but if she doesn't get a ring by Christmas, she will be deeply disappointed.
Oh, by the way, the requirements for the ring are a minimum of 2 karats for the center stone with half karats on each side. I am looking at spending almost one third of my life's savings on the ring she picked out. $22,000! She is really in to material things and money. I guess I am not. I earn a good living, but I am more conservative. On the other hand she has plenty of assets should we fall on hard times. She has a sports car collection in storage and plenty of cash saved up. She is strikingly beautiful, (described by many as a total babe), and worships me. There isn't another one like her. Would I be crazy to marry her? Would I be crazy not to marry her? The clock is ticking. I have to come to a decision. She won't compromise on the house. In fact she won't compromise on anything. I really do appreciate your opinion.
A - Dear Kelly,
My opinion is that your Īsweetheartā is darned lucky that the universe hasnāt given her a Īwake-up callā that things are ..........just THINGS.........that what REALLY counts is the quality of the person, NOT what the person can provide....or has. Are you SURE you want THIS one?? (Which head are you thinking with??)
Trust me, I KNOW about having Īthingsā..........(and, truth to tell, the Country Mouse was right. ) From your description of the situation, about the way she decorated her home and her appalling need for financial reinforcement, Iād be more inclined to recommend a REALLY good couples counselor for the two of you, and individual work with a good psychologist for each of you. (Have you ever seen a puzzle maze where there is NO way to a solution? Guess where you are now.........?)
ĪThingsā are, (in my never-to-be-humble-opinion), to be an expression of joy and of generosity, not of status and acquisitiveness. What you have here is an unbalanced equation........at the very least That she is a Ītotal babeā is lovely...for now...but sheās fighting a fear about which I can only guess....that YOU havenāt bailed out of this is something YOU need to look at. Do what you will, but, on this one, from what you tell me, those warning bells and lights are going off BIG TIME.
You sound like a very good person whoās totally in love..........I do wish you well. From what you tell me, youāre going to need it.
- Annabelle
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