|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am a woman in my late twenties. I have been involved with a coworker who is in his early 50's. Over the course of the year we have been sexually intimate six times. Before we began the intimate relationship he told me that he did not think it was a good idea. However, we were both attracted to each other. For the past few months he has been giving me conflicting responses when I ask him if there is a possibility that we can see each other again. I know that what I am doing is wrong. I am married, and yes, you reap what you sow. The fact still remains is that I feel that I am in love with this guy, and it is hard for me to let go.
I feel that whatever the reason is for him deciding not to continue to see me again, he is not being straight forward with me. I told him that I would like to talk to him. He told me that he would let me know when we could talk the following day. But, he has not initiated anything. How can I get beyond my feelings and come to the realization and accept the fact that it is over and move on? I was willing to sacrifice for this man. I still care about him very much and would like to continue what was started.
A - Dear Lynette,
You already know the answer to this one....you behaved shabbily, shamefully and selfishly. That you Îfeelâ you had a good reason to do so still lacks integrity. You said you were Îwilling to sacrifice for this manâ?? He didnât ask you to!! What were you willing to Îsacrificeâ.......your integrity and character? Well, you DID that. Youâre a married woman....do you also have children? When you married you made a vow, a promise, to Îforsake all othersâ. Maybe at the time you married the two of you were very much 'in love' and didnât fully grasp the significance, and the gravity of what you promised. That there are intervening factors doesnât allow you to indulge your desire for pleasure at the cost of your integrity...and that of your marriage.
This fellow was also very clear that you were a sexual convenience for him...and, for you, that was all right. He wasnât interested and youâve been trying to make more of it than it was....a pressure valve and a passing fling......... at least for him. You cannot expect significance to be attached to something that is meaningless.
It might not be the worst thing in the world for you to reassess your marriage and see where repairs can be attended to. Keeping your integrity intact, however that plays out, will move you through the world in such a way that you will be able to avoid the temptations of Îfeelingsâ when you have moved off your center. Collateral damage is not just to your family...it is to your very self. There IS a balance in life.....it is wiser not to tempt the fates of retribution.......life is tenuous enough without agitating the unknown. There will come a day when you will be tested by, who knows what? You donât want to think that you brought it upon yourself.....you want to be strong enough to deal with anything that may come your way..and that is best done by having the backbone and fortitude to always display good character.
Is that difficult? Yes. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!
- Annabelle
|
