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Q - Dear Annabelle,
A friend of mine is in a relationship with this girl and he wants out of it because she is an emotional wreck and is very psycho. How can he rid her out of his life for good especially when heās tried every avenue of closure and she still won't leave?
A - Dear Nikki,
Well, I could mince words, or I can tell you that heās really got a problem, (which heās already figured out. ) This kind of behavior is very disturbed and may even require police intervention. I donāt know if you have Īstalkingā laws in Maryland, but itās my guess that the woman needs a real wake up call from reality.
That she is operating from a state of Īinfant panicā is understandable.....with the Īrightā circumstances, itās possible for just about anyone to have an overwhelming urge to respond to this infant terror, (donāt LEAVE me, Iāll die!!)....however, those people with clear and firm boundaries KNOW that to act on an impulse, no matter how compelling, would not be in anyoneās best interest. I doubt there is anyone who has not experienced a wash of this terrible fear, but, at least for most everyone, good sense prevails.
If this is of the Īfatal attractionā variety, much care with the hoped-for solution is a must. The woman has what is called a Īboundaryā problem, that is, she doesnāt have good limits on herself, and no real awareness, much less respect for, boundaries that your friend is attempting to set.
If, in fact, he does wish to stop all of this, then he must tell her that it is to be ended -- now -- and to have no further contact with her. To have intermittent contact is to further reinforce the behavior on her part. Intermittent reinforcement is the fastest way to Īsetā a behavior in place...the best way to Īextinguishā a response is to avoid....ever....giving the Ītriggerā mechanism. ĪNoā is a really good word.....an even better behavior.
Good luck on this one......
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Thank you so much! It sounds like you painted a perfect picture of her! I will forward this letter to my friend. I'm sure it will shine a big light on things and help him to make the right decision. If my friends or I have another problem we will come to you, as I think you're a brilliant Psychologist!
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