|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am often frustrated when I invite a woman out and she says she will Īlet me knowā. Experience has shown me that this is always a rejection. I am currently dating a woman in another town, and I wish to invite her out for dinner and dancing on New Years Eve. We have been dating for 3 months, and I am quite fond of her, but there have been no commitments at this point. If I do invite her out for New Years, and I get the, "I'll let you know response," or, "I'll have to think about that," how should I respond? Please understand that I wish to maintain my dignity in this situation while at
the same time being polite and keeping the relationship open.
A - Dear Jim,
Oops...this must have come in during the Īdissertation blackoutā period just past. New Yearās is hard upon us and the question may be moot at this point. You are absolutely right in your feelings about what, ĪIāll let you knowā, means. (What it USUALLY means is, ĪIf I canāt get a better offer, Iāll take you up on yoursä......you donāt NEED this...do YOU?) My suggestions is that you get REALLY clear about what it is that YOU are doing that you allow this situation to continue. If these women are so plentiful that an equivocation on their part isnāt a problem, thatās one thing. If not, letās look at a couple of things here.
You are attracting, and allowing to remain in your awareness, women who donāt treat you respectfully. While respect is NOT something you DEMAND, it IS something that you instruct others in. (Would YOU treat others so disrespectfully?...I didnāt think so. This is a pernicious form of social carelessness.) How you allow yourself to be treated is entirely within your abilities. Your Īneedinessā is showing. (Sorry).
When you extend an invitation to a women, and she says, ĪIāll let you knowā, you can assume that youāre not #1 on her list of priorities. Iām assuming that youāre asking perfectly reasonable things that donāt conflict with workaday activities or really amazing social schedules that couldnāt possibly include you. If you find that you arenāt being given first priority by ladies, you might consider taking an assertiveness training class or spending some serious time with a very good psychologist working on your awareness of what you have a RIGHT to get from the world of social interaction. Without further information, Iām afraid I can be of no other help.........and I do hope your lady friend and you are going out on New Yearās Eve.
(If not, give some VERY serious consideration to the two suggestions above).
- Annabelle
|
