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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am 44 years old, single mother of two young (8 and 6) sons. My ex-husband divorced me two years ago, and I still cannot seem to get back into the swing of things. I am very overweight, have no luck losing it and don't know how to jump start myself. I have been taking Effexor for several years and I don't feel depressed, but I'm very
lonely and miss the sexuality of marriage -- even a bad one. Can you
help?
A - Dear Melinda,
You have the diagnostic criteria for a mild situational depression but, absent a consult with the doctor who is prescribing the Effexor, I have no real grasp of the situation. That you are lonely and sexually frustrated is understandable, however your sons need you to be a responsible mom......and that means not having unmarried sex in any way that might come to their awareness.
It just could be that youâd do well in a divorce recovery group or a group for women in your situation. I recommend a consult with a good therapist to find the most suitable avenue for you. If you are uncertain whether your Effexor is an ongoing necessity, you need a good consult with a professional...you donât want to continue something not in your best interests.
You are no doubt awash with both responsibilities and other cares, however it wouldnât be the worst idea to begin a program of self improvement, possibly through education to increase your self of competency and expose you to a wider group of people......some of whom would be interesting, I would hope, men. Meeting people in a non sexual context, that is outside of bars and/or a dating situation is always a good idea. You may need to buttress you accomplishments and abilities to better put you in a position to lessen your need for medication and increase your chances of having an improved social life.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Thank you for your advice.
A - Dear Melinda,
You're welcome. One other thing, action toward any worthy goal, (you pick), almost always overcomes depression. Taking action creates both physiological and mental benefits. There's something else that I've always thought was really weird, yet seems to work......smiling. Smiling, even when you 'don't feel like it' seems to have the odd result of making you feel better. Try it for ten minute increments and see if it works for you as well. There must be some 'signal' sent to the nervous system by the 'smiling' action. Someday there will be studies done on this phenomenon.
- Annabelle
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