|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I was wondering what reasons led you to define the man as a "specialist"? I understand completely your advice for her to let this relationship go, (and of course he should obviously respect that), but I was a little taken aback by your comments
about him, mainly because of the harshness and negativeness of your evaluations of his involvement with her, especially when we don't know to what extent each contributed to continuing contact after she went back home or became married.
This is the first time I have sent a "request for advice letter". I have enjoyed reading the letters in your column. I decided to ask, because from the advice you've given in other letters this was unexpected. And most importantly, I felt uneasy thinking I might not be seeing something that would be good to be aware.
A - Dear E.C.,
Good heavens, for a moment I though you were just now writing back about a previous letter youād sent in June of last year! (OK, now I understand.)
There does appear to be a group of sociopathic folk....(women do a form of this too), but itās mostly men who prey on weak and or vulnerable women. These men seem not to want permanent attachments and, therefore, Īmineā each relationship, (which will generally be of short but intense duration), for all itās worth. I havenāt studied the women, but of the men Iāve seen and studied, there seems to be a maladjusted attachment with their mothers in early infancy, sometimes, but not always, caused by the birth of a sibling combined with an earlier traumatic loss-type event, that leads them to need to Īcollect and punishā women....sometimes in an effort to understand them...(which they will never be able to do), and to attempt, endlessly, to fill a gaping emptiness in their lives.
Itās simply a Īclosed loopā of defeat, evidently stemming from a early experience. It is irreparable because, as are most of the narcissistic injuries, the effort necessary to repair the damage is virtually beyond, not only the scope of most patients, but also because the pleasure derived by this type of disordered personality is, in itās own perverse way, rewarding. It has become a way of life....and, short of the most incredible epiphany of all time, no real hope of reparation to the self.
If this resonated in you....then you have some thinking to do. Yes, these people ARE Īout thereā.........and, sometimes closer than weād like to think.
- Annabelle
|
