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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have recently split with my boyfriend of two years. The relationship ended, officially, one year ago when I moved out . We continued to be on and off for a year to see if we could work things out, but I think he just grew to resent me. In between time we have both gone out with other people, (trying not to let the other know.) The other relationships did not last any space of time due to us finding it hard to get over each other. I miss him terribly and he says he misses me. He has tried so hard, so many times he has come back to me, he is a soft person whom was adopted at birth bought up by great parents, but can't handle any type of rejection.
I was bought up by an alcoholic father and a mother who, to this day, still uses emotional blackmail to make her point. I am used to conflict, my parents are still married but have never done anything together. I have never seen them touch one another. Although I have tried to break this pattern, it seems I can't. Neil and I had so many things in common he maybe was a bit immature, but he is male! Kirk is a friend of mine whom I have known since April this year, he has stood by me and has been great support, he is back in town and I plan to see him, but I still think I am cheating on Neil.
They have met and had confrontations whilst Neil and I were having a split week! My feelings for Neil cloud everything, I get butterflies when I see him, and can't bear the thought of seeing him with another woman there is so much more but maybe you can give me some type of starting point to go with. Neil is 27 Kirk is 25 and I have a daughter who is 7 years old to a previous marriage, my ex husband is gay, a whole other issue, Help whatās wrong with me????
A - Dear Janelle,
Iām going to put this as delicately as possible; you have a background, as does your friend, that virtually requires professional help. Itās as though you are on a game board and canāt make any right moves. You really, really need to find a very good psychologist and start some hard work of self discovery........you actually can fix this, but it will take time, work and enormous willingness on your part. There is nothing else I can say to you thatās going to move you in a direction with a good outcome for you. Sigh....I know that this isnāt what you wanted to hear.
- Annabelle
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