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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over three years. He is a wonderful person, we get a long great, everything is wonderful, except one thing. I believe he is terrified to take the next step. He was in a long term relationship a few years back and he lived with this person who cheated, lied, and was ungrateful to him. What can I do to reassure him that I am not that person, (which he knows), and he needs to move forward and he will continue to be happy.
I have been married before and had practically been through the same thing he had.
Is there any way I can help him take a step forward. He says he will never get married unless he lives with someone first. He found out how "terrible" his ex was by living with her.
I think it's time to move forward and take chances.
A - Dear Theresa,
From what you say, you have a seriously damaged guy there......and thatās going to be hard for you to hear. You cannot Īfixā his Ītrustā issues........trust is the very first stage the human goes through and, if that is not resolved in the first couple of years, then the reworking and repetition that takes place in later years will simply be populated by the appropriate people through the personās life.
You fit into the scenario somewhere, it sounds as if YOU are into the, Īhere, I can make it all betterā scenario...completely understandable, but not useful to you. At 30, it is not up to YOU to Īfixā his life.......HIS responsibility is to work through these things with a competent therapist. I will tell you that this early damage is so difficult to repair that the situation is likely to re-emerge in other forms for his entire life. Perhaps he can go into therapy with a good psychotherapist......itās his life too.....and neither of you sounds happy.
- Annabelle
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