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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am engaged and in head over heals in love. My fiance has an ex girlfriend of five years. The two of them have been friends through other relationships in the past. Neither one has ever been engaged until now. Every once in a while, they talk on the
phone and hang out. I have never met her, she has only called our house once in the 5 months we've lived together. (I happened to answer the phone.) She hasnât called our home since, only his cell phone and e-mails him things like Î7 ways to say helloâ.
She recently asked him to go to a game and I canât understand why it seemed so important . I cried and told him any Înormalâ married couple wonât have ex-girlfriends. It took this to get him to say he would give her up; holding off our wedding and
a lot of crying.
I don't believe he'll fully give her up. I don' want anymore cell phone calls or e-mails
about howâ redheads are better than blondesâ crap,nothing! How will I be
sure? PLEASE ,PLEASE HELP! Thanks for reading.
A - Dear Faith,
How will you be sure? By NOT marrying this guy! Câmon, Faith, you know darned good and well what kind of person you have there, right? This is the best you can do?
OK, if it is, and you want this sort of thing, .....(you DID say youâre Îhead over heels in loveâ, right?)..... and you want to continue to have to use tears and threats and other manipulations throughout what married life you will have.......you can do that. There's an old saying about Îknowing from the beginning what will break up a relationshipâ ....well, Faith take at look at what you have.
Faith.........you HAVE what you are willing to put up with. Take a look at this...... THIS is what you HAVE. What else can I say to you? (And quit shacking up with someone to whom youâre not married)...........you lose your power that way.
- Annabelle
Q - Dear Annabelle,
Thank you for your reply. I believe that what you said is true but,my foggy eye's and full heart can only do but one thing and take a chance. Heart ache is as painful as death sometimes, but to wonder what could have been is another type of pain that I know would linger with me forever in my life time and maybe ever longer.How long do you
think is a reasonable amount of time to wait for him to tell her goodbye? If they only speak every week or two except for her e-mails what do you think is fair? Please respond I'm glad to have someone to talk to about these things that is unbiased.
A - Dear Faith,
Think for a moment, would you rather have this problem as a single person or as a married one?......âcause thatâs what youâre facing. (Of COURSE it hurts to have to deal with this). I think itâs fair to say that everyone who reads this can relate to the pain you are feeling. However, only YOU, Faith, are going to have to live with the consequences of your choices here.
Now, think for a moment. You are 27. Is there still time in your life to become the kind of person who is so fascinating, so educated, so wonderful and so financially independent....(THATâS the point of all the former, you know), that youâll just become a Îstud magnetâ? .......the answer, by the way, is Îyesâ.
Now, if you are SO desperate and dependent that THIS guy, and how your life with him will be, is the ONLY way you can see yourself living, then, well, I guess youâre just stuck on this track, and thereâs no other possible life for you.
One thing I can ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE you, Faith, is that YOU cannot change HIM. You can only change YOURSELF. Pretend youâre a really old lady looking back on your life.............is this the way you will have wanted to spend it?......or will you have invested the time, effort, and energy to create so delightful a person that it is YOU who will have the power? (You donât have power right now, Faith......youâve given your power away.)
YOU, Faith are treating yourself in a way that you would NEVER allow a daughter to be treated. You have Îvolunteeredâ your heart and soul to a lying guy who cheats on you. Step aside from your life for a moment and Îseeâ what you have created for yourself. You allowed yourself to wander into this situation.
Why not make plans to create a new Îyouâ so you canât even relate to being this way anymore? Make yourself a Înewâ Faith.....youâll be so much happier......(especially since the Îoldâ Faith makes such bad choices. (You CAN do this).
- Annabelle
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