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Q - Dear Annabelle,
Help me please. I am caught up in love. I have been in love with someone over a year now. We were involved for 6 months, but there was no commitment. We both was afraid to care too much about each other because I was moving out of town in time and my return date was questionable. I felt them holding themselves back from me, so I did the same. (So I would not be caught in love with someone who didn't love me).
Well, it turned out that way anyway. We had problems communicating. I wanted to express what was in my heart rather than hold it in there until anger brought it out. Not until 6 months after I moved did they tell me they loved me. That conversation was an angry one. Now I am still away and, for the last 8 months, I rarely hear from them unless I call first. That really hurts me.
I really love them and now they are involved with someone else. They are living together. Parts of me feel like they are angry with me for leaving. So all the special attention I received before does not exist. I don't get anymore phone calls. Just last month I finally got the chance to tell them exactly how I feel. They got upset with me because I chose not to be friends with them anymore, until I regained control of my feelings.
They was upset. Then they finally listened. Then expressed all the problems they were going through and that that was all they were trying to deal with ( not that harsh). They sound unhappy in the relationship they are in now. Being that they live together, it sounds as if they are forcing themselves to deal with it.
My questions to you is: should I just forget and move on? Should I hang in there and wait for the right timing? How can I move on with my life when it is so hard for me? Is the silent treatment I've been getting is there way of telling me to move on because they have? Do you think that they moved to another relationship so quickly due to vulnerability? Am I just a fool for love and just need to snap out of it?
How do I move on? or How do I try to win them back, when I know I have a chance?
A - Dear Kathy,
Why pursue what is not yours to have? What a colossal waste of your life! You sound as if your whole existence is about this guy......and, know what? Maybe it is, .........and isnāt that a terrible indictment of how youāve spent these first 25 years!
Kathy,what you are describing is not love, itās a childās obsession with a toy it canāt reach. The fellow is no better.....heās living with someone to whom heās not even married. Is this how you do things in your part of the world? Are you even aware that thereās a point to being alive.........and itās NOT mooning over someone with whom you cannot even have clear communication?
Youāre 25, do you have an advanced degree from an excellent school and a good career? Where will YOU be, Kathy, in five years? In ten? Time slips by, you know, and the energy youāre focusing of this imagined Īlossā is energy youāre refusing to focus where it absolutely belongs....on YOU. For goodness sakes, woman, quit mooning over this person and get YOUR life in order. You want to have a quality man in your life? Than youāre going to have to make yourself into a quality woman.........itās really as simple, ......and as difficult....... as that.
Give your SELF some thought Kathy, the clock is ticking and youāre wasting your time......and your life....... on ephemera.
- Annabelle
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