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Q - Dear Annabelle,
How long do you stick with a relationship after you know it has gone south? My
fiance has had some major health problems. I don't want to abandon him but...I am
unhappy in the relationship. I love him but no future as man and wife. He is a very
sweet guy. What to do?
P.S. He is living in my house and has been out of work for quite
sometime. No $$$
A - Dear Sally,
From your letter, you seem to want to throw out your "fiance" -- you seem so angry with him that you may even have daydreamed about the Îfinal sceneâ -- but you may not want to accept responsibility for doing it. It sounds as if you want me to tell you it's the right thing to do. Well, only you can make that decision; no one else can make it for you.
Facing the fact that you have no painless choice can truly be difficult. If you Îthrow him outâ, you'll probably suffer guilt. If you don't, you'll probably go on feeling angry and used. Only you can decide what to do. Only you can deal with the feelings that will result. No one else. How can you "love" him, but be "unhappy in the
relationship"?
You're not with him for financial security. Don't deceive yourself, you have to be getting something out of being with him. Askyourself what it is. (Great sex?) Avoiding the chance that you won't find anyone else as good? Is there something special about him?
Why has this "sweet guy" been "out of work for quite sometime"? If it's his "major health problem," why hasn't he applied for disabilty? (Then he could contribute to the household). If he says he can't work because of his health, but won't apply for disabilty, you would do well to wonder if it's his physical health that's the problem. At 37 are you too young to take responsibilty for your life...and to deal with the unavoidable consequences? Only you can decide.
- Annabelle
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