|
|
Q - Dear Annabelle,
I am involved with a guy who is an excellent keyboard player at my church. He also happens to be the pastor's son. Those two things aren't the reason that I am dating him though. In fact, even though I found him to be very attractive and pleasant I never entertained the idea of dating him, or even expected that anything would occur between us.
We have been seeing each other for almost 2 months now. We started out by emailing each other a lot and the intellectual compatibility was there. The passion was oozing from the screen. After the first week of e-mail talk he came over to my apartment. I am a virgin and I live alone. There was no attempt on either of our part for physical contact in a sexual way. No kissing or sexual intimacy, etc.
The next week we emailed each other but not as much. He came over again after the second week of talking. The second visit we became intimate but did not have sex. The passion between us on the screen proved to be true in the flesh. The third
week he emailed once, called once and came over during the early part of the week.
Still no sex. In fact there has been no sex yet. Neither of us believe in oral sex or anal sex. He has taught me ways of pleasing him and he loves in ways that please me.
He is an extremely busy man which I have proof of. (He really is). He has his own musical production business besides playing for other churches. He has visited several times since the third visit and has visited more times than I expected. The problem is there is no communication in between visits. No email and no phone calls.
His voicemail always picks his calls and if I call and leave a message I never get a response.
If I email him I don't get a response. He pops up without warning to my house. I have been feeling very perturbed for the last few weeks, or whenever this started, because I feel that the communication part was a major role in what helped me to decide to start seeing him. We have watched movies together, he has brought food for us to eat and will not hesitate to do anything that I ask of him.
He is positive minded. Still, I sometimes feel that he may be seeing someone else. The fact that there is no communication between visits makes me feel as if I don't exist to him until he is there. Communication for me plays a role in the build up of
physical and emotional bonding. It is the mental stimulation that we first started out with that attracted me even more to him. We have wonderful conversations when he is there but it does not feel the same.
(I'll give an example): The last time he was over our physical connection felt strained to me. Not for him. But for me. I still want him just as much. But the act of expressing my desire toward seemed uneasy because of the lack of connection between us. It had been a week and a half that I did not hear from him by phone or email. His explanation was that Īhe was not home for three days and therefore did not have access to his computerā. What about someone's phone or a pay phone?
The last time he came I intended to talk to him about all of this, but my mind became
clouded and we talked about other things more so than this. Therefore, I couldn't get
it off my chest like I wanted and felt like I was making an effort in our intimacy.
I've been wanting for weeks to stop seeing him but something inside of me just keeps
letting it go on. At this point I feel used, taken for granted and not appreciated.
Maybe I expected too much. I know that I deserve better in a relationship. I've been
trying to wait it out for a while to see if this is his normal pattern or if it will go
back to the way it started. I don't know which behavior is the true him.
A - Dear Kristina,
I think you already know the answer, and, whatever it is, (cause I have no idea whatās going on), thereās something wrong here. Kristina, life is really simple.....things that work, work. Things that donāt, donāt....and this is, obviously a Īdonātā. (Sorry).
I wonāt go into a long explanations here. He is what he is....and YOU donāt want to get mixed up in whatever his wiring pattern is.Thereās something missing.......say Īgoodbyeā, move on.
- Annabelle
|
