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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I seem to have no sex drive at all any more. I feel bad for my husband because he always has to ask me for sex, and half the time i turn him down. Is there anything wrong with me? He's a great guy and I love him......
A - Dear Debbie,
My initial impression is that you are, (possibly), depressed. Have you spoken with your family physician about this? While it's true that some doctors aren't always up-to-the-minute on help with sex problems, he/she might feel that your blood levels of something important are down. It could be worth a check.
When you do have sex with your husband, you might just be aware of how really wonderful the warmth and closeness feels. Often, even when one doesn't WANT to have sex, the reluctance is forgotten in the getting involved in so delightful a process. If your husband is a 'great guy' and you really do love him, keep in mind that, at least for men, sex can be a wonderful validation of their selfhood and a way for them to communicate.
You don't say what other pressures are on you, perhaps children and running the household are a tad stressful? Well, everyone is subject to stress and sometimes sex is a good stress reducer. Is there something that you feel you need to communicate with him and are not doing so?
Perhaps you would both benefit from your finding either a good marriage and family counselor or a good psychologist to work through your concerns. The answer could be something as simple as getting out everyday for a brisk walk and more sunshine, or it could be more complex and a counselor or your physician would be a good course of action.
- Annabelle
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