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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My husband (of two years) received a sample of adult diapers in the mail last week
that he had ordered. I have noticed that he has been wearing them, but trying to keep it from me. He doesn't have an incontinence problem (he's only 23!). And I just "discovered" that he has been visiting websites that have to do with what they call "water sports"...girls peeing the bed after orgasm, in restaurants, etc. I have never heard of this type of fetish/fantasy before. Is this normal? Why couldn't I have had some kind of warning or something?
A - Dear Heidi,
Well, this was a new one. I do, however, have information for you. First, youāve known for some time that Īsomethingā about this guy was Īdifferentā and your mind probably didnāt want to deal with it. Knowing, at 23, that youāve perhaps, married the wrong person can be really scary. The genesis of his,er, Īinterestingā fetish is likely the eroticized association with peeing he developed as a child. In this world, thereās no limit to how many ways people can develop what are called Īpaired associationsā and, sexually, there are an amazing range of permutations.
I will tell you that this is not going to go away and that you have a choice...which you may want to think about before you have children. Either you are going to have to join in his Īwater sportsā or you are going to become increasingly uncomfortable with the situation. You might want to go to your library or bookstore and find a copy of the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices by Brenda Love. She did her internship on a Īsex questions hotlineā and she wrote a book about her experiences. I was beyond surprised to find that the information you are seeking takes about two pages in her very informative research.
Answer #2 (Heidi, sometimes I ask our psychoanalytic department head for input, here's his take on this......)
Dear Heidi:
You ask, "Is this normal?" No.
Wearing diapers and becoming addicted to "water sports" web sites is not normal, and you knew that without asking, didn't you?. And if "water sports" is defended because enough people enjoy it to support web sites, we must reply that enough people also enjoy kiddie-porn to support not only web sites, but magazines and clubs as well; that doesn't make kiddie-porn "normal."
You ask, "Why couldn't I have had some kind of warning or something?" You also say "I have noticed that he has been wearing them but trying to keep it from me." Heidi, that was a clear warning, and his performance in bed may have provided others. But you were afraid to admit it or to talk to him about it. When you first "noticed" that he was wearing diapers, you should have asked him "why," point blank. Yes, that would have embarrassed him, but it also would have relieved him to have his secret out. (Having diaper samples sent home, and leaving a trail traceable to the water sports web sites, may have been his unconscious mind hoping you'd find out.) That you've been secretive about knowing, makes me wonder how strong your marriage really is, diapers, water sports or no. Gather your courage and talk to him about it. There may or may not be things better left unmentioned between husband and wife, but this definitely is not one of them. In fact, talking about it may bring you closer together.
He needs skilled professional help, and you as a couple need the same. If can't find therapists in Moscow, try Boise and Ames. The university psychology departments can probably help direct you.
- Annabelle
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