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Q - Dear Annabelle,
I have a question that I do not know who else to ask. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 9 months. We seem to have a very good relationship that we both think may turn into marriage. But, an issue has come up that I want an opinion about.
Like all couples, each of us do things that may annoy or bother the other person. Some of ours are showing up a little late for a date, leaving clothes scattered on the floor, occasionally using profanity,(not when mad, but in a casual conversation), etc. No, these are not some of my actions, but hers.
None of these are a very big deal to me though. But, we have agreed that it may be a problem in the future if we do decide to get married. Her proposed solution is what my question is about. She told me that when she does one of those things, maybe I should give her a Īspankingā. (I thought she was kidding), but she wasn't. I asked her if any of her previous boyfriends spanked her, and she said, jāust the last oneā.
Well, this last Saturday, we had planned to go to dinner together. She was over 45 minutes late. She told me she was shopping and Ījust lost track of timeā. I asked her why she didn't call, and she said she just wanted to get over here as fast as she could. (I was kind of upset). She said, Iā know I was wrong, and maybe tonight we should start implementing her solutionā. Well, after talking it over, I ended up giving her a quick spanking.
I do not know if I am comfortable with this. If we get married, is she going to want me to spank her when she does something major wrong. And, what is Īsomething majorā? Like I said before, the things that she does that bother me, are not that big of a deal to me. But, I suppose I could do this, but is it ok?
I guess that is my question, is this all right? I do not know if it matters, but she is in her late 20's and I am in my early 30's.
A - Dear Jason,
Spanking as sex play is, (usually), a left over vestige of discipline from childhood, (when the parent of the opposite sex spanked the child at about four years of age.) Itās an eroticized form of discipline and a light form of S&M......something, which if enjoyed by two consenting adults is just fine. It sounds as if you, and most certainly, she, enjoy this......and you certainly donāt need anyoneās permission to do what both of you find harmless and pleasurable.
Here's the common sense rule for what acts are OK between two adults: If you both
sincerely want to do it, or one of you does and the other sincerely doesn't mind,
and if it doesn't pose a risk of injury, illness or infection to either of you or
to anyone else, and if it's legal, then it's OK If it can't meet every one of those conditions, it's NOT OK If either of you isn't sure it meets every one of those conditions, then it's PROBABLY NOT OK........thatās sort of a boring way of putting it.
You did mention something which you might want to pay more attention to, however. It sounds as if you are something of a Īneatnikā and she is something of a Īmessyā......now, her messiness may be ok right now, but I guarantee you that at some point in the future, when all this warm glow and mushiness wears off, itās NOT going to be ok with you and itās going to be a real bone of contention.
The same thing goes with her tardiness..........there are control issues here and issues of reacting to early upbringing that reflect real anger on someoneās part. THESE are the reasons that you want to take a good look at what your plans for the future are......and why it might be a very very good idea for you to (both) see a marriage counselor to clarify behaviors and expectations........I mean, you want to be Īspankingā her out of a sense of fun, and not out of genuine anger.
- Annabelle
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