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Q - Dear Annabelle,
My fiance and I have a wonderful, sharing relationship. Our sex life, when we get round to it, is great - but, as I have already indicated, it's sporadic...
He stresses out a lot due to the nature of his business and is a naturally highly strung personality - I understand how this may affect one's sex drive. Still, I sometimes battle to comes to terms with days, weeks, even a entire month or two without making love. Somehow, a little piece of me feels hurt and rejected, tired of often having to initiate things.
Being very open with each other, we've spoken about it several times. But I feel I embarrass him when talking to him about it, I don't want to make him feel inadequate in anyway.
Although we are always intimate, I do wish we would make love more often. Somehow, the fact that we go for weeks without that level of intimacy makes me feel insecure, as though perhaps I don't arouse him anymore. And at the same time, I know that's not true.
Why the confusion?
How do I deal with these feelings?
A - Dear Sani,
Well, I can certainly understand your feelings.....going so long between actually having good interpersonal sex...or, in clearer terms, Īa good romp in the hayā, can be, as you know, frustrating. To be very frank, each and every human is nicely structured to pleasure him/herself, so,........ depending on your comfort level with masturbation, well, as I once heard a wise lady say, ĪGod gave us hands that reach all the way down to thereā.
Now, the joy of good sex is not just the physical pleasure, but the sharing of a very intimate joy of a kind not found in other activities. I have no idea why your fellow is behaving this way, (sometimes stress will create this situation), however, if heās not willing to discuss it, and you can just Īlet things rideā, as it were, then perhaps taking care of yourself when heās not interested will have to do. (You may, however, come to resent your perceived deprivation).
You have said that your are Īintimateā and Iām not entirely sure what that means, if to you, that doesnāt mean intercourse or sex play. (I will say that, for a male, this is unusual behavior). While it is true that we are all on a continuum, you have to decide whether your sex drive being, (evidently), greater than his is going to be an ongoing problem.
At this distance, I can discern little more than this.......keep in mind, however that, YOU are 25, and HE IS your fiancee....since this time of life, both in age and development, your sexual escapades would (usually) be fairly non stop, this does NOT bode well for your sexual future. You might want to give this more thought.....
- Annabelle
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